Redemption and Regrets (Chastity Falls #4) Read online

  “And you are?” I hit back.

  The girl shrugged, blowing a huge bubble with her gum. It popped, and she slurped it back into her mouth. My face screwed up. What was she, twelve? It was fucking disgusting.

  “This says I am.” She fingered her hoodie, puffing out the red P on her chest.

  I turned away from her and dropped my chin onto my fists. Leaning forward on my elbows, I ignored her.

  “I can still see you,” she sang almost musically causing annoyance to flare through me. Who the hell was this girl?

  “Yo, Cara, you coming down or what?” a guy shouted from the track. I heard her sigh deeply and then she was moving past me and down to her friend.

  The hoodie outlined her slight frame, but her legs looked strong and it was obvious she ran track. But something about her attitude screamed unruly, not disciplined. She didn’t look in my direction again, giving me only a view of the back of her head. Short blond hair grazed her shoulders and black capris hugged her tight ass. In fact, short pretty much summed her up. I wondered if the description matched her personality—short tempered. I smirked to myself. Something about the way she was jabbing her finger at the guy friend told me it did.

  They seemed to be arguing about something. His brows knitted together as he glared down at her, standing a good foot taller than she was. But he didn’t intimidate her; she was all up in his face pointing and yelling. Eventually, a couple of other students joined the commotion and ended up stepping between the blonde and the guy.

  Interesting.

  I was so used to chicks falling over themselves around me, but something told me she wasn’t that type of girl. Not that it mattered. She was no one to me, and she was right—I wasn’t supposed to be here. Without a backward glance, I left the stadium and went in search of supplies.

  ~

  Three hours later, and bored out of my fucking mind, I found myself back at the stadium. The way blondie had said ‘you’re not supposed to be here’ was like she was challenging me. Well, I didn’t back down from a challenge, and I sure as shit wasn’t going to listen to the empty threats of some prissy college chick.

  It was dark and the place was deserted, but I welcomed the quiet. Oregon State was always noisy. If the guards weren’t barking orders, it was inmates talking and joking, sometimes arguing, or the constant rattle of keys turning in the steel locks. There was always something. Even in the dead of the night, you could hear the pipes creak and the wind whoosh through the cellblocks.

  After leaving the stadium earlier, I’d found a store and stocked up on a few things. I had no idea how long I wanted to stick around, but Luke had given me more than enough money to survive for a few weeks. But for now, I just bought the essentials. I wasn’t putting down roots. This was just a stopgap, somewhere to sort out my head and lay low.

  “You again?” a voice called from the darkness cloaking the track.

  A voice I recognized.

  I squinted, just making out her shape, and the blonde from earlier pushed back her hood revealing her face. She shook out her hair and made her way up the bleachers, dropping on the bench along side of me.

  “I don’t usually have company out here,” she said keeping her focus on the track.

  “I can go.” I wasn’t looking to get friendly with anyone; let alone her, of all people.

  “Don’t leave on my account. Free country and all that.” There was something in her voice. Whether bitterness or regret, I couldn’t quite decipher. “So what are you escaping from?”

  “Escaping? I’m just enjoying the view.” I leaned back and folded my arms behind my head unsure whether the blood coursing through me was excitement or annoyance.

  “Whatever,” she replied.

  From the corner of my eye, I watched as she blew a big bubble and then snapped it with her teeth.

  “That’s fucking disgusting.”

  “Do I look like I care what you think?”

  My head whipped around, and my eyes locked on hers. She talked the talked, but I saw the immediate fear there. Her eyes widened slightly, and she sucked in a sharp breath. Oh yeah, I had her by the balls now.

  “I’m a guy. Figure it out.”

  “And what the fuck does that mean? Who the hell are you, anyway? I’ve never seen you here before.”

  I ignored her. Little miss attitude was barking up the wrong tree if she was looking for a fight. I came here for peace and quiet, not to argue with some college chick. I’d eat her alive and then spit out the leftovers.

  “Fine, you want to ignore me. Go right ahead. It’s not like I give a shit.”

  A sly smirk spread across my face. Oh, she gave a shit all right; I had her well and truly worked up. The old me would have capitalized on the moment—let her know exactly who was running the show, but I didn’t have it in me. Sure, my dick was ever so slightly standing to attention at blondie’s attempt to get a rise out of me, but I wasn’t looking to play games.

  I wanted to get my shit straightened out. She was a complication I didn’t need.

  Or want.

  Liar. I shut the voice down. I wasn’t going there. Not tonight. Not ever.

  The silence between us stretched on. I should have just got up and walked away, but she intrigued me. Ignited something in me I hadn’t felt in a long time. At CFA, I ate girls like her for breakfast and then kicked them out on their ass the next morning. That wasn’t who I was anymore, but maybe that was just because I was out of touch.

  “Nice scar. How’d you get it?” She broke the silence, and I felt her eyes burning into me, breaking down my walls.

  “None of your fucking business,” I barked letting my hold on things slip.

  “Ooh, touchy.”

  “Fuck off.”

  “You fuck off. This is my spot,” she hissed, and my dick twitched. Blondie had bite too.

  “Free country and all that,” I shot back.

  “You win. I’m out of here. See you around, Blue.”

  Blue?

  I didn’t have time to ask. Blondie jogged down the bleachers and disappeared out of sight.

  Chapter 7

  “So what are you doing out there?”

  “Briony, it’s Forest Grove, not the desert, and it’s only been three days. But I’m keeping busy.” Obsessing over some college chick like a lost fucking puppy.

  “Have you made any friends?”

  “Friends? It’s not a fucking vacation, B. I’m not here to get friendly with the locals; I’m here to get my shit together.”

  “Geez, sorry. It was only a question. I don’t like the idea of you being out there all alone, not after everything. I should come out there, stay with yo-”

  “No,” I said a little more forcefully than I’d intended.

  “But I could keep you-”

  “I said no, B. I need space. Time to figure shit out. I kind of got pulled in at the deep end. It’s a lot to digest.”

  Briony sighed down the line, and I imagined her rolling her eyes at me. “I know, shit, I know. I told Luke to give you time to adjust, but he wouldn’t fucking listen. Always has to listen to his grandpa. I swear that old man is like the third person in our relationship.”

  “How is boy toy? Made it up to you yet?”

  She mumbled something inaudible. “He thinks roses and breakfast in bed fixes everything. I didn’t even know about an ex, Braiden. He never said a word. Not one fucking word.”

  “Probably because she’s not important.” I tried to reassure her, but this was unfamiliar territory for us. We might share the same DNA, but we didn’t go big with the heart-to-hearts.

  “Braid, he had her apartment key. I think that signifies they meant something to each other.”

  She had a point. “Have you asked him?”

  “Of course, I’ve asked him. He just shuts me down.”

  “Maybe there’s more to it. Maybe she’s involved.”

  “Involved what with, the organization?”

  “I don’t know. Just thinking out loud, I guess.”

  “I guess I hadn’t considered that. Listen, Braiden, about before you left ... what I said. This is your decision. I want him to pay for what he did, God knows I want him to pay, but I don’t want to force you back into a place you’re not ready to go.”

  I wasn’t ready to have this conversation with her. I knew she meant well, but I needed more time.

  “Listen, B, I’ll check in tomorrow.”

  “Sure, okay. Bye.” A sadness that knocked at my conscience filled Briony’s voice. I could fix her hurt, the pain. All I had to do was call up Jack Doyle and accept his proposition. They would take down O’Connor and hand me the reins. Of what, I still wasn’t one hundred percent sure of, but I had a good idea.

  Three and a half years ago, I would have jumped at the chance to advance in the family business. It was my birthright—my legacy—but Daddy dearest had seen to it that I would never get that chance. He could have tried to reach out to me, let me in the fold and warn me that O’Connor was gunning for me. But he didn’t. Instead, he sold me out to O’Connor. Handed me to him on a silver fucking platter and left me to rot in a prison cell. And now, they wanted me to restore his name? It was a lot to ask. Even if I would be the one running the show.

  I pocketed the cell phone Luke had left me with and grabbed the keys. The sun was just disappearing on the horizon, and although I hadn’t intended to go there tonight, it crossed my mind that I could be at the stadium before darkness fell. I’d almost gone there again last night, but instead, I’d taken a walk down Main Street. It bordered the college campus, and before I could stop myself, I’d turned down University Avenue, which was apparently dorm central. Students came and went from the red brick buildings, and I found myself searching for her among the students coming and going. Of course, I didn’t see her. Hundreds of students lived and studied at Pacific; what were the chances I’d run into her?

  Scrubbing a hand over my face, I tried to push her out of my mind by convincing myself that I wasn’t heading toward the stadium in hopes of seeing her again. I am losing my damn mind. The sensible thing would be to go out to a bar and find someone to bring back to the apartment. A no-strings fuck would relieve some of the tension pulsing through me. But I didn’t turn toward downtown. Even if she wasn’t there, I felt comfortable there. Fresh air and peaceful, it was exactly the kind of place I needed to think things over.

  ~

  My plans for a quiet evening were dashed when I arrived at the stadium. The floodlights lit up the place like the Fourth of July, and a group of students looked to be finishing their practice. I lingered at the side of the entrance, not wanting to draw attention to myself. Laughter filled the air and I scanned the group. Sure enough, Blondie was among them, sharing a joke with a couple of other girls. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, but wisps of hairs hung loosely around her face. She looked breathless, all hot and sweaty and completely fuckable.

  Fuck, I was crushing on some college chick like some creeper. Luke and Briony would have a field day with this.

  The group started to move toward the exit, so I stepped back into the shadows, my black hoodie blending with its surrounds. In the cover of darkness, I stalked her movements. The guy from the other day was missing, and instead, she chatted with two girlfriends, but I didn’t even bother checking them out. My eyes were completely transfixed on her. She wasn’t as short as I’d originally thought, probably around five-foot-four, and I found myself taking in her body, her legs, right down to her sneaker-covered feet.

  I didn’t know if it was four years without getting any or the fact she had spunk, but I was fascinated what a girl like her—who seemed to fit in so well with her peers—was doing here that first night.

  What are you escaping from? she’d asked me, as if that was her reason for being out here, all alone. I heard it in her voice—she had secrets. And if they were anything like mine, they were big ones.

  ~

  “I thought it was you earlier.” Her voice carried up to a position at the back of the bleachers.

  My eyes tracked her as she climbed the steps. No longer in her track outfit, she wore skinny jeans and a red hoodie, which made her blond hair glow, especially against the night sky's backdrop.

  “Lost your voice?”

  “Maybe I just don’t want to talk,” I quipped back.

  “See, I’m thinking that’s a straight-up lie, Blue. If you didn’t want to talk, why not go bother someone else? Or even better, find someplace where you can be alone. Since, you know, you don’t want to talk.” She dropped down beside me and kicked her feet up onto the bench in front of her. “I’m Cara.”

  I leaned forward clasping my hands together and resting my chin on them.

  “This would be the part where you tell me your name.”

  “Braiden,” I said dragging a thumb across my jaw.

  “Well, Braiden, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Tiny sparks of electricity zipped through me as her elbow nudged my arm. I shuffled along the bench to put some distance between us.

  “I haven’t seen you around before, and I know you’re not a student because ...” Blondie eyed me and her eyes flashed with something. “Well, most students don’t look like you do,” she said clearly misreading my reply as a signal to start prying. Where do you come from? What do you do? What brings you here? It was inevitable she’d want to know things about me if we were going to keep meeting like this.

  “I’m just passing through,” I said casually, leaning back to stuff my hands into my hoodie, and ignoring the way she’d looked at me when she suggested I wasn’t a student.

  “Okay, not very big on the sharing. I get that. What about”—Cara dropped her feet and shifted around, angling herself to me—“if we play that question game. We each get three questions, but you have to answer or the other person can skip one of their questions.”

  With a frown, I replied, “You’re serious?”

  “Completely. I’m here, you’re here. We might as well attempt to, at least, get to know each other.”

  She had a point, I guess. “Okay. Shoot.” I sat a little straighter and turned slightly so that I could see her.

  It wasn’t lost on me—the fact I was sitting in a deserted stadium about to play some dumbass game with a girl I’d met only three times. But oddly, it was the most normal I’d felt since getting out.

  “Full name?”

  Shit. Remembering Luke’s warning, I rushed out, “Braiden Kelly.” My mother’s maiden name’s as good a choice as any. Cara nodded and waited for me to go.

  “Age?”

  “You get to ask me anything and you ask me how old I am? Seriously?” Her eyes narrowed, but a playful smile lingered on her lips.

  I shrugged dismissively.

  “Fine. I just turned twenty. My turn. What are you in town for? I know you said you’re just passing, but I get the feeling there’s more to it.”

  Her eyes softened as if she thought she’d overstepped the mark. She had, but I didn’t want her to know that, so I answered. “My brother-in-law’s sister had to skip town for a family emergency, and she needed someone to watch her apartment. I was headed this way anyway, so I offered my services.”

  The lies rolled off my tongue with ease, and although I could see Cara was studying me, trying to work out if I was telling the truth, she had no reason to suspect I was lying.

  “Okay. Where’s home?”

  “That’s your last question,” I said pointedly unsure if it was a good idea to answer her.

  “Not really. Call it an extension of my second question. You said you’re just passing through, right? But where did you come from?”

  “Home is a place called Chastity Falls.”

  “Never heard of it, sounds ... dull,” she said dismissively. “Okay, you’re up.”

  “Who was the guy from the other day?”

  Surprise washed over her face, and I tipped my head back clamping my eyes shut. What the hell? I hadn’t meant to ask it; sure, I wanted to know, but I didn’t want her to know that.

  “Why?”

  I opened my eyes and found her staring at me. The way she was looking at me, like she wanted me; we were playing a dangerous game. Only she didn’t know that. Because she doesn’t know anything about me, about who I am ... what I’ve done.

  “Braiden?”

  “What? Shit, sorry. Hmm, yeah, the guy. Who is he? Friend? Boyfriend?” I tried to cover up my moment of madness, but she saw right through it. I could tell from the slight smirk tugging at her lips.

  “Just a friend. Well, that wasn’t awkward at all. Okay, last question. How’d you get the scar?”

  My heart slammed against my ribcage. She had to go there—had to fucking remind me who I was. Where I’d been. Just when I thought that maybe we could hang out. Talk.

  Who am I kidding?

  She was in college, studying to make something of her life, and I was ... well, I didn’t know what the fuck I was, but it wasn’t this. Pretending to be someone I wasn’t just to impress a girl.

  I didn’t need this shit.

  “I’m out.” I rose from the bench and started walking.

  “That’s how it is, huh? Shit gets real and you bail?” Cara yelled, but her words rolled off me. “Like some fucking coward? I thought you were different. That maybe, just maybe, we were the same. My bad. Have a nice life, Braiden Kelly. And stay the hell out of my park.”

  I didn’t look back.

  I’d been right. She was running from something—we both were. But it didn’t matter. I was screwed up enough all on my own; I didn’t need someone else’s problems to deal with.

  Chapter 8

  The following night, I didn’t return to the stadium. Instead, I watched ESPN and drank beer pretending that everything was fine. That I wasn’t bored out of my skull in Forest Grove. Luke had texted a couple of times to check in, but he didn’t say anything about things back in Astoria, and there had been no word from his grandpa, Jack. Which left me all alone with my thoughts—a dangerous thing. All the bad shit rose to the surface, fighting its way to the top. Dad, Jackson, Briony, O’Connor.