Ruined Hopes: An Enemies-to-Lovers Romance (Rixon High) Read online

  “Have you texted him?” Peyton asked.

  “No, my parents still haven’t gotten me a new cell phone.”

  “Yeah, what’s up with that?”

  “I think they’re just worried that I’ll log onto all my social media, and it’ll mess with my head or something.”

  “They have a point,” Peyton said. “Sometimes social media sucks my soul dry. Everyone’s so fake. You’re better off without it.”

  I didn’t care about social media. I cared about Ezra, about him blaming himself. He already carried so much darkness, I didn’t want to be responsible for adding to that.

  “He hung out with Aaron, took him to some diner. The Junction or something. I think it’s that place on the edge of town with the red and white canopy,” Lily said.

  “The Junction?” I didn’t recognize the name.

  “Yeah, Aaron told Poppy that Ezra knew the owner and waitress.”

  Waitress.

  My stomach sank.

  “Oh no, Leigh.” Lily backtracked. “I don’t think it’s anything like that. But it’s weird that Ezra has a place none of us ever go to, isn’t it?”

  “He’s never hung out with us,” Peyton added.

  “No, but Aaron said he was comfortable there. As if he hangs out there all the time. It’s like… I don’t know, he chose somewhere he knew none of us would ever find him.”

  My heart cinched at her assessment. But more than that, it hurt at the fact Ezra had somewhere he’d kept a secret, even from me.

  Or maybe he hadn’t and I just couldn’t remember.

  “At least you’ll have each other next semester.” Peyton smiled, but I didn’t feel like smiling.

  I’d crushed on Ezra ever since he’d arrived in Rixon seven years ago. Lost and alone and wary of everyone around him, something in him had called to me. And the protective feeling I felt toward him had only developed over time.

  I wanted to know him. To unravel the quiet boy with the weight of the world on his shoulders. But he’d always kept me at arm’s length, pushing me away the second I got too close.

  And now… now I’d lost ten months of memories.

  And the distance between me and Ezra felt bigger than ever.

  Chapter Five

  Ashleigh

  “Are you sure about this?” Mom asked for the third time that morning.

  “It’s just the store, Mom.”

  “I know, sweetheart.” She gave me ‘the look.’ The one she cast my way every time I didn’t react the way she expected, as if she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for me to break down.

  But the truth was, I was going stir crazy.

  I’d been home three days and hadn’t seen outside the four walls of our house. Besides, it was a trip to the store with my mom.

  It seemed like a safe option.

  “Okay.” She breathed. “Okay.”

  “Mom.” I let out a weak chuckle. “It’s the store. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

  “You’re just… you’re so calm about all of this.”

  Oh, I wasn’t. But I couldn’t let those feelings consume me. Because every time I gave them even an ounce of space, fear put me in a chokehold. And I didn’t have the luxury of sitting around, waiting to see if my memories returned. Not with the summer break passing me by and senior year 2.0 fast approaching.

  “It’s hard,” I said, barely able to meet her stare. “But I’m trying.”

  “You’re such a good girl, Ashleigh.” She leaned in, cupping my cheek and pressing a kiss there. “And I’m so proud of how you’re handling everything.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  I followed her out of the house. Avery had gone back to Indiana yesterday. I’d miss him, but part of me was relieved I wouldn’t have to endure his quiet, assessing gaze any longer.

  It was one less person I had to pretend with.

  We rode to the store in comfortable silence, humming to the familiar songs on the radio.

  So strange, that I could remember lyrics to songs almost ten years old, but I couldn’t remember graduating high school only weeks ago. I could remember the square root of Pi but couldn’t remember ten months’ worth of conversations with my friends.

  And the list went on… and on.

  “I thought I’d make mac and cheese tonight. It’s your favorite.”

  “I know, Mom.”

  “Sorry, sweetheart, I didn’t mean—”

  “Oh look, Mya is here.” I spotted her car almost immediately.

  “So she is.” Mom murmured as she shouldered the door open and climbed out.

  She came around to help me onto my crutches. “Okay?”

  I nodded, testing my balance. At least I could bear weight now because I really wasn’t getting the hang of these things.

  Mom grabbed a shopping cart and together we entered the store, running straight into Mya and…

  “Ezra.”

  Relief slammed into me. He was here, and he was in one piece.

  Thank goodness.

  But before I could get another word out, Mya blurted, “Hailee, Ashleigh, what a surprise.” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “How’s… everything?”

  “It’s Ashleigh’s first trip out since… well, you know.”

  Mya said something, but I was too busy staring at Ezra, silently willing him to say something. He looked sick, standing there, watching me through those haunted amber eyes of his.

  “How are you?” I said, hating how awkward things felt between us.

  To me, it had been mere days since I’d last seen him. Since I’d refused to leave when I’d followed him down to the lake behind the Bennets’ property.

  We’d been hanging out in Aaron’s man cave—the shed his father let him turn into a hangout—when I’d spotted Ezra heading toward the lake. He’d made no effort to join us, he never did. But I couldn’t stand the thought of him being alone, so I went after him.

  I always went after him.

  “Ezra,” Mya’s voice yanked me out of the thoughts. “Why don’t you go on ahead and start loading the groceries in the trunk?” She handed him her keys, and I watched with disbelief as he grabbed their cart and walked off without so much as a word.

  Anger flared inside me as I gripped my crutches.

  “I’ll be right back, Mom,” I said, maneuvering around to follow him.

  “Actually, Ashleigh, we’re in a bit of a hurry. See you both again soon.”

  Something passed between my mom and Mya.

  “But, Mom—”

  “I’ll call you,” she said to Mya’s retreating form.

  “That was… weird.” I glanced back, watching Mya and Ezra exchange terse words near her car. Dread snaked through me.

  Something had changed, I felt it just now. The way he’d looked at me. Was it guilt I’d detected in his amber gaze, or was it something else?

  “You know how Ezra gets,” Mom said a little too defensively, even maybe a little flippantly.

  I frowned.

  “He has to know it isn’t his fault, Mom.”

  She cast me a weak smile. “He’ll come around.”

  There was a tightness in her words that made me wonder if she believed he wasn’t to blame. He’d been driving, sure. But it was an accident. It wasn’t fair to hold him responsible or resent him because he’d walked away with a couple of scratches.

  Scratches that had since healed if his face was anything to go by.

  If he’d just stuck around to talk to me, I could have told him not to feel guilty on my behalf. He had to know I would never blame him.

  Surely.

  “Don’t worry about Ezra, sweetheart.” Mom made a beeline for one of the aisles as I hobbled behind her.

  Don’t worry about Ezra.

  Such a simple statement.

  Such an impossible, unimaginable request.

  But she didn’t know that I harbored a special place in my heart for her best friend’s son. That, for years, I’d desperately tried
to break down his walls and burrow my way into his heart.

  She didn’t know.

  Few people did.

  Ezra knew though. He knew and yet, he’d just walked away from me as if there was nothing between us.

  As if I was nothing.

  When my dad turned up at home later that day with a brand-new cell phone for me, I thought I’d feel a kernel of excitement.

  I didn’t.

  It was a connection, a tether to all that I’d lost. If I logged into my social media accounts, I would be able to relive those memories, but they wouldn’t be mine. Not anymore.

  It left a deep ache inside my chest as I clutched the shiny new phone in my hand.

  “We thought it would make you happy,” Dad said, his brows pinched.

  “It has… I mean, it does. I’m just not sure I’m ready to… You know what, it’s fine.” I’m fine. “Thanks, Dad.” I hobbled over to him using the furniture to steady myself. “I’m going to head upstairs.”

  “You don’t want to hang out with us?” Mom asked. “I got your favorite ice cream.”

  “Maybe later. I’m kind of beat.”

  Shopping—and running into Ezra and Mya—had sucked it out of me. The doctors said I could expect to feel exhausted in the days and weeks to come. Any traumatic brain injury left its mark, and this was one of them.

  “Okay, baby. Holler if you need anything.”

  “Thanks, Mom,” I said, gripping the handrail. Getting up and down the stairs was no easy feat but I refused to have Dad carry me, like he’d offered yesterday.

  When everything felt so out of my control, I needed to be able to stand on my own two feet. Literally.

  They watched me struggle, breathing through gritted teeth as I made the slow, painful ascent. The second I turned the corner, out of their sight, I rested back against the wall, trying to keep the tears at bay.

  How had everything gone so wrong?

  I should have been enjoying the summer, spending the last few weeks with my friends before we all went our separate ways and headed to college.

  And now… now, I would be returning to Rixon High to repeat my senior year. A decision made so easily by my doctor and parents that it made me wonder if they knew the truth—if they knew the chances of my memories returning anytime soon were slim.

  I dragged myself into my room and closed the door, shuffling over to my bed and flopping down. Part of me wished the summer was already over. At least then I wouldn’t have to suffer seeing my friends, hearing about their exciting lives and preparations for college.

  Ugh.

  I lay down and stared up at the ceiling, unable to fight the tears burning the backs of my eyes. Silently, they rolled down my cheeks, dripping onto my t-shirt, the covers. Evaporating into nothing as easily as the memories I’d lost.

  Crying made me feel weak when I knew how lucky I was. I was still here, still breathing and in one piece.

  But I wasn’t in one piece, not really.

  A part of me was missing now. Lost to the accident.

  My cell phone pinged, and I dug it out of my pocket, smiling at Lily’s name. Dad must have loaded all my old contacts for me and given her my new number.

  Lily: So I was thinking… Girls’ night tonight?

  Me: Don’t you and Kaiden have plans?

  Lily: I think he can manage one night without me. Besides, you need me more right now.

  God, I loved her. My best friend. My cousin. A girl who knew me better than I knew myself sometimes.

  A girl who in less than a month would be leaving.

  I tried, and failed, to keep the tears at bay as I texted her back.

  Me: I’d like that.

  Lily: I’ll bring snacks.

  Me: See you later.

  I closed my eyes, hugging my cell phone to my chest. Lily got it. She knew what it was like to be lost. Drifting through life, uncertain and afraid. I’d stood by her side for years as she’d battled her own demons. But I’d never been that girl before.

  Until now.

  “I think I’m in a sugar coma,” I announced, groaning as I tried to eat the rest of my Twizzler.

  Lily had turned up earlier armed with enough snacks to feed the entire street. She also brought her photo album… just in case I wanted to look.

  I hadn’t, not at first. But a packet of Swedish Fish and Reese’s later, I’d given in to the urge to peek.

  “It’s so surreal,” I said, flipping through the pages. Photo after photo of us, our friends and families. I paused on the page filled with photos of our eighteenth birthdays. They were only three days apart, so we always celebrated together.

  A couple pages on, my breath caught at a rare photo of Poppy with Aaron and Sofia… and Ezra. Tracing my finger over his face, I smiled softly. He was just as I remembered. Same strong features and full lips. Same amber eyes that looked right into your soul. Same silver hoop through his nose and a diamond stud glinting in his ear. Same dusting of hair over his upper lip and jaw, and same dark hair styled into twists.

  Physically, he’d been the same when I’d seen him at the store… but I’d felt something different about him.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a photo of him before.”

  “You know what E is like.”

  “I saw him today,” the words fell out in a rush of breath.

  “You did?” Her brows furrowed.

  “Yeah, at the store with Mya.”

  “Did he… say anything?” There was something in the way she hesitated.

  “He barely looked at me.” Dejection gnawed my insides. Ezra had never been open, not even with me. But he’d never ignored me so vehemently before.

  “It’s been a stressful time for everyone,” Lily said. “But now you’re okay, things will calm down.” She reached for my hand and squeezed. “You’ll see.”

  I smiled weakly…

  Wishing I could believe her.

  Chapter Six

  Ezra

  Sweat rolled down my back as I cut through the dense trees down by the river. My feet pounded against the overgrowth, leaves and branches crunching as I pushed harder. Faster. Trying to outrun the image of Ashleigh earlier at the store.

  Seeing her there had completely thrown me for a loop. I rarely went with Mya or Asher on trips to the mall or grocery store, but she’d asked, guilted me into it really. I’d never imagined Ashleigh would be there, not so soon after being discharged from the hospital.

  Mya hadn’t expected it either if the shocked look on her face was anything to go by.

  Ashleigh had just stared… and stared. Silently willing me to say something, anything. And I’d just fucking stood there, speechless. But what the hell was I supposed to say?

  I’m sorry you almost died.

  I’m sorry you lost the last ten months of your life.

  I’m sorry it’s all my fault.

  The words had almost choked me and before I could get out a single syllable, Mya sent me packing.

  And I was relieved, I was fucking relieved to have a reason to get the hell out of there. Away from Hailee’s wrath, from Ashleigh’s pleading expression. From the tension stifling the air around us.

  Fuck.

  I ground to a halt, dropping my hands to my thighs and sucking in a deep breath. My muscles burned, popping and zinging with exertion, but it was better than sitting around the house, with Mya’s constant disapproving looks and Asher’s attempts at bonding with me.

  So I ran.

  I ran and ran and ran until I couldn’t run anymore.

  Staggering down to the river’s edge, I dropped down onto the grassy bank and lay back, staring up at the stars. Life wasn’t supposed to turn out like this. I wasn’t supposed to be here, in a place like Rixon, trying every single day to fit in, when deep down, I knew I never would.

  I didn’t want to feel like… like this. But I couldn’t get out of my head. I couldn’t stop thinking about Alyson Jackson.

  My birth mother.

  The
woman who had abandoned me when I was just a kid, condemning me to a life bouncing from one foster family to another.

  She hadn’t wanted me.

  Those families hadn’t wanted me—not enough to keep me.

  Until the Bennets.

  But the damage was already done. And even now, I couldn’t trust that this was real. That it was forever. Even with the signed papers declaring me one of them.

  Ezra Bennet.

  Because I’d been Alyson’s once. I’d been her son, carried her name… and she’d left me as if I was nothing more than a discarded toy she no longer had a use for.

  I couldn’t wrap my head around that. Around willingly giving up your own flesh and blood. Something so innocent and helpless.

  A child.

  A fucking toddler.

  The blare of my cell phone pierced the silence and I dug it out of my shorts pocket.

  “Ezra?” Asher breathed a sigh of relief, and I hated the pang of guilt I felt.

  “Yeah?”

  “I was worried.”

  “I told you I was going for a run.”

  “It’s been almost three hours.”

  It had?

  Fuck.

  I sat up and ran a hand down the back of my neck.

  I hadn’t planned on running for so long, but it made everything quiet.

  And I liked the quiet.

  When you grew up in loud, usually overcrowded houses, where you had to fight to be heard, fight to eat and wash and sometimes to sleep, you learned to appreciate the silence.

  “I’ll be home soon,” I said, preempting his lecture.

  “Don’t let me down, Son,” he murmured, hanging up.

  His parting words were like a shot to the fucking chest. As if I hadn’t already majorly disappointed him. Everything I did—or didn’t do as the case was—was a disappointment. But I just couldn’t find it in myself to do better.

  To be better.

  When I got back to the house, I hoped everyone was asleep. But the second I opened the door and heard the television, I knew Asher had stayed up to wait for me.