Ruined Hopes Read online

  Ruined Hopes

  A Rixon High Novel

  l a cotton

  Published by Delesty Books

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  RUINED HOPES

  Copyright © L. A. Cotton 2021

  All rights reserved.

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  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and events are the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental.

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  No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without the written permission of the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes only.

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  Edited by Andrea M. Long

  Cover Designed by Lianne Cotton

  Proofreading by Sisters Get Lit.erary Author Services

  Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Epilogue

  Playlist

  Author’s Note

  About the Author

  Prologue

  Pain.

  That’s all I could feel.

  Excruciating, blistering pain.

  “H-help…” I forced the word from my lips in an agonizing breath. My lungs felt tight, burning me from the inside out.

  Something was wrong.

  Very wrong.

  I tried to shift against the crushing weight, but pain lashed up and down my spine, exploding inside me.

  A whimper tore from my throat.

  “A-Ashleigh,” a voice called out to me from the darkness. “Fuck.”

  Something crackled. Heat licking up my skin. I tried to strain against the darkness again, but it was futile.

  I couldn’t see.

  I was powerless. Alone.

  Except, I wasn’t alone… was I?

  “H-help,” I choked out again, blindly trying to reach out and find something—anything—to help me.

  Think, dammit. Think, Ashleigh.

  But it hurt too much.

  Everything hurt.

  My limbs, my muscles, my head. At least I could feel everything. My arms and legs, fingers and toes. Everything felt whole.

  That was a good sign, wasn’t it?

  Wasn’t it?

  “Ashleigh,” a voice cried out from the darkness. “Hold on, you have to hold on.”

  “W-what…” the word died in my throat, the pain too much to bear as I hovered in and out of consciousness.

  “I’m sorry.” The voice sounded further away now. A whisper on a distant wind. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

  Chapter One

  Ashleigh

  My eyes fluttered open, the sunlight streaming into the room. I blinked, then blinked again, scanning the unfamiliar room.

  Where the hell was—

  The rhythmic beeping caught my attention and that was when I spotted the wires connecting me to a monitor.

  A hospital monitor.

  I was in the hospital.

  But… how?

  I racked my brain searching for an explanation but came up against a thick fog. As if the memories were there but just out of reach, enveloped in an impenetrable haze.

  “H-hello?” It was a weak croak against my dry, sore throat.

  Panic began to snake through me. Something had happened, something bad. You didn’t wake up in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines with no memory of how you got there, for a simple case of strep throat or mono.

  Clutching the wires between my achy, stiff fingers, I found the call button and pressed it. I needed answers. I needed someone to tell me what the hell was happening.

  The door burst open a second later, and a nurse appeared, looking at me with kind eyes and a warm smile. “Hello, sleepyhead. It’s good to see you awake,” she said, her soft voice instantly putting me at ease.

  “W-what happened? Where am I?” I asked, a trace of fear in my voice.

  “You’re at Rixon General, sweetie. You were in an accident.”

  “I was? I… I don’t remember.” The fear snaking through me turned to blind panic, making my blood run cold.

  “Try to relax.” She looked over at me. “Take a deep breath for me, okay?”

  I nodded, forcing myself to inhale through my nose and exhale out of my mouth. My heart galloped in my chest like a band of wild horses, but the deep breathing helped, slowing my pulse.

  At least enough not to send me into an all-out panic attack.

  “Are my family—”

  “Ashleigh, thank God.”

  “Mom, Dad.” Tears sprung from my eyes as they rushed to my bedside. Mom took my hand gently in hers, brushing the flyaway hairs from my eyes.

  “Gosh, baby, we were so worried.”

  “The nurse said I was in an accident, but I don’t remember… I…”

  Dad glanced at the nurse, something passing between them, but then he was smiling at me, leaning down to kiss my forehead. “We’re just glad you’re okay.”

  “I’ll give the three of you some privacy.” The nurse made some notes on my chart and dropped it back in its holder. “The doctor will want to see you soon.”

  “Thank you,” Dad said.

  The second she left the room, I turned to my parents. “I’m okay, right?”

  “Of course, sweetheart.” Another smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

  “Dad?” My voice cracked, reminiscent of the little girl I used to be. Unsure and afraid of the world, always looking to her father, her hero, for support and guidance.

  Daddy’s little girl.

  He swallowed back the emotion written all over his face and said, “You were in a coma, Ashleigh.”

  It was a good thing I was lying down because that revelation tipped my world upside down.

  A coma?

  “F-for how long?”

  “Almost a month.”

  A month? No, it wasn’t possible.

  “But… I don’t understand.”

  Dad and Mom both pulled up chairs and sat down, Mom taking my hand in hers again.

  “There was a car accident, sweetheart. You and Ezra—”

  “Ezra?” I lurched forward, pain slamming into me. “Is he okay?”

  “Ezra’s fine, sweetheart.” Dad shifted as Mom encouraged me to lie back down. “You came off worse. You had a nasty bump on the head, so the doctors put you into a coma to give the swelling on your brain a chance to go down.”

  Thank God, Ezra was okay. He was… well, it was hard to put into words what I felt for Ezra Jackson. He wasn’t my boyfriend or even my friend really, but he was important to me. If anything had happened to him… it didn’t bear thinking about.

  “I… I don’t know what to say.” It’s only then I realized my right leg felt clunky. Lifting up the sheets, I frowned. “I’m guessing I also broke my leg.”

  “Your ankle, and two ribs.”

  “Wow.” I sucked in a sharp breath and my rib cage smarted.

  “Okay, baby?” Mom asked, concern pinching her brows.

  “Just a little sore.” A beat passed as they watched me, and I couldn’t shake the feeling they weren’t telling me everything.

  But things were hazy still, a giant black hole where the memory of the accident was supposed to be.

  “Everyone’s worried sick,” Mom said, eventually breaking the heavy silence. “Avery spent the first three nights camped downstairs in the family room. He point blank refused to leave.”

  “H-he did?” My brother was supposed to be in Indiana, so it touched my heart knowing he’d rushed back to be at my side.

  “I don’t want him jeopardizing his junior year,” I said. Avery played football for Notre Dame and had a real shot at going pro. “Once he’s seen I’m okay, he needs to go back. I won’t be the reason he messes up his—”

  They shared a strange look.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Nothing, sweetheart.” Mom squeezed my hand.

  Just then, the doctor came into the room. At least, I assumed he was the doctor given his appearance. “Ah, Ashleigh, it’s so good to see you’re awake.” He greeted my parents before his attention came back to me. “I need to examine you, Ashleigh, if that’s okay?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “It shouldn’t take long. Did your parents fill you in on what happened?”

  “I was in an accident.”

  “You were. You suffered what we call a traumatic brain injury.” He approached the bed. “Are you okay with your parents staying in the
room during my examination?”

  “Yes, it’s fine.”

  He nodded and gently eased back the sheet, taking my hand in his. “Flex your fingers please.”

  I did and he smiled. “Good. Now if you could follow my light.” He produced a small flashlight and shined it in my eye, left then right. Then he held up a finger at different angles and made me focus on it as he moved it slowly toward me.

  “What’s your name?”

  “Ashleigh Karen Chase.”

  “Good, good. And where do you go to school, Ashleigh?”

  “Rixon High. I just started senior year.”

  Mom sucked in a sharp breath and my eyes immediately went to hers. “What is it?” I asked, another flash of dread snaking through me.

  “When’s your birthday, Ashleigh?” The doctor asked, sympathy shining in his cerulean eyes.

  “September twenty-second. I’ll be turning eighteen.”

  “How is this possible?” Dad asked, clearing his throat.

  “What is going on?” I demanded, hating that they seemed to be having a conversation about me, without me.

  “Sometimes, when the brain suffers trauma, it causes memory loss.”

  Memory loss? That made sense.

  “That’s why I can’t remember the accident?”

  “Yes, and…” He glanced at my parents again, and they both nodded.

  “Ashleigh, I suspect you have something called retrograde amnesia.”

  “Amnesia.” The word rattled around my head.

  “The part of the brain responsible for memory was damaged in the accident. It’s not uncommon for some patients to experience memory loss, particularly of those memories stored in the immediate days and months leading up to the accident.”

  “Do they ever return?” There was a tremble to Mom’s voice that made the knot in my stomach tighten.

  “They… can. Over time. Some people get all of their memories back. Others find some return, but some remain inaccessible.”

  “Guys.” I let out a strangled laugh. “This is silly. It’s just a few weeks. I’m not sure I want to remember the accident anyway.”

  Mom and Dad both gave me a tight smile.

  “Ashleigh, this will be hard to hear.” The doctor settled his kind gaze on me. “But you’re not seventeen.”

  “Of course I am. I turn eighteen in a couple of weeks. I’m a senior at Rixon High School. My best friends are Lily Ford and Peyton Myers. I have a brother named Avery, who has a girlfriend named Miley. My parents are Hailee and Cameron Chase. My uncle is Xander. He’s helping coach the football team this year with my other uncle. Uncle Jason.” Panic swelled inside of me like a storm.

  “Sweetheart, take a breath.” Dad stood, running a hand down his face.

  “I-I don’t understand…” I silently pleaded with him to fix this. To reassure me that everything was going to be okay. But then he said eight little words that changed everything.

  Everything.

  “It’s almost July, sweetheart. High school is over.”

  Ten months of my life… gone.

  Just like that.

  The doctor called it retrograde amnesia, said that sometimes after a TBI a person lost the days or weeks or months leading up to the accident.

  I’d lost my entire senior year save for the first few weeks.

  I didn’t know how to process that. How to accept that such a crucial part of my life was just… gone.

  At least Ezra was okay.

  I’m not sure I could have survived it if anything had happened to him too.

  My parents had informed me that Mr. and Mrs. Bennet—his foster parents—had finally adopted him. So he was no longer Ezra Jackson, but Ezra Bennet.

  They said he was fine, but I wanted to talk to him, to look him in the eye and know that he was okay. Maybe seeing him, talking to him, would fill in the missing pieces of that night.

  According to Dad, there had been a graduation party at Bryan Hughes’s house. He was on the football team with my cousin Aaron. Ezra was giving me a ride home when we got run off the road.

  It still didn’t feel real. That they were talking about something that happened to me, when the last thing I could remember was everyone talking about the upcoming pep rally at the beginning of senior year.

  Frustration welled inside me again as I tried not to get worked up over the lost memories. But memories made you who you were. They shaped you, influenced the road you walked on. Without them, was I even me anymore?

  I mean, it wasn’t like I was missing a day or two; I was missing some of the most significant moments of my life.

  College applications.

  Homecoming.

  My eighteenth birthday.

  Finals.

  Prom.

  Graduation.

  My entire high school experience had been blown wide open, leaving a gaping hole right at the heart of what should have been the best year of my life.

  Mom and Dad had tried to talk to me about it, about college and all the important things I’d missed, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lie there and be a bystander to almost a year of my life.

  So I’d faked a headache and asked them to let me rest. But sleep didn’t come, and I’d been lying here for too long, trying to will the memories back into existence.

  The door opened and my brother peeked inside.

  “Avery,” I breathed.

  “Hey, Leigh Leigh. Mom and Dad said you were sleeping but I had a feeling you—oh shit, Sis, don’t cry.”

  But the floodgates had torn open, big fat ugly sobs spilling out of me like a torrent.

  “Hey, it’s okay.” He rushed to my side and took my hand in his. “It’s okay.”

  “Is it?” I choked out. “I can’t remember, Ave. I can’t remember any of it.”

  “Fuck,” he hissed. “I… I don’t know what to say.”

  “There’s nothing to say.”

  Senior year was gone.

  Lost.

  And worst of all, I might never get it back.

  “You want me to get Mom and Dad?”

  “No,” I rushed out. “They’ll only worry, and this isn’t something they can fix.”

  It wasn’t something anyone could fix.

  “The doctor said there’s a chance your memories could return, right?”

  I nodded. “But they also might not.”

  And then what?

  Was I supposed to repeat my entire senior year when everyone else’s lives had moved on?

  My friends were all set to start college in a few weeks. I was supposed to be heading to the University of Pennsylvania.

  Now everything was ruined.

  I was ruined.

  “Feel better now it’s all out?” Avery asked, dropping into the chair beside my bed.

  “A little, I guess. It just feels so surreal, you know? I can remember the week before the pep rally as if it was only yesterday…”

  “I’m so fucking sorry, Leigh.”

  “I appreciate you coming home,” I said. “How’s Miley? You guys are still together, right?”

  The last I could remember, they’d been blissfully in love.

  “Yeah.” A slow grin tugged at his mouth. “We’re engaged.”

  “Engaged?” I gasped. “How? When? Tell me everything…”

  “I… uh, you were there…”

  “I was?” The constant knot in my stomach tightened.

  “Well, not at the proposal,” he chuckled, “but yeah, we came home last September, pep rally weekend, to tell you all.”

  “I hope you got her a big diamond.” I smiled, but it felt all wrong.

  Nothing about this situation was worth smiling over. I’d forgotten my own brother’s engagement.