Missed Notes: A Brother's Best Friend Romance (Rixon High) Page 8

  We were finally getting somewhere. I could feel the shift between us. The frenetic energy.

  “Uh, I think that’s your cue,” she said around a tentative smile.

  “Talk about bad timing.” I let out a frustrated breath, glancing over to the stage, the solitary stool and mic stand calling to my soul.

  “Go,” Sofia urged, shoving me gently. “I’ll be right here.”

  “Good.” I kissed her again, the flash of surprise on her face worth the risk. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

  “Go.” She chuckled, touching her lips again. Like she needed to feel it to know it was real.

  “We’ll resume this conversation the second I’m back.”

  I didn’t give her a chance to argue, grabbing my guitar and making my way to the stage. The last time I’d performed here had been the summer before junior year. I’d been so amped to try out some new original songs. Then my dad had turned up and ruined everything. God, I’d hated him that night.

  Still didn’t much like the guy. He’d never understood me. I was nothing but a big disappointment to him and his dreams of a cloned version of himself.

  The emcee spotted me and beckoned me up on stage. “Give it up one more time for Cole Kandon.”

  The harsh glare of the lights licked my skin as I sat down and got comfortable, hooking the strap over my neck.

  “Hey there,” I said into the mic. “It’s been a while since I got up here, but it feels good to be back.”

  Adrenaline pulsed through me as I adjusted my posture. After so much time away, it felt a little awkward to be up here, but then I found her across the room.

  Sofia.

  I could just make out her smile, the way her eyes seemed to say, ‘you can do it.’

  “This first song is called Seven Minutes in Heaven.”

  I strummed the opening chords and closed my eyes, letting my muscle memory do the work. It came as easy as breathing, the way the lyrics poured out of me, how smoothly my fingers ran over the frets and plucked at the strings.

  The bar fell into hushed silence as my voice rose, singing about first kisses, first touches… first love.

  Not that I knew much about that. The only girl I’d ever had a crush on had always been off-limits.

  Not anymore though.

  My gaze landed on Sofia again across the room. She had shuffled to the edge of the booth, watching me serenade the crowd. But I wasn’t singing for them, I was singing for her.

  To her.

  Jesus, I was in deep.

  Too fucking deep, and nothing had really happened yet.

  But it was Sofia.

  And I wanted her so much.

  That want had only grown since finding out about her illness. It had become urgent. Like the clock was ticking on our chance at being together. I couldn’t explain it. It was just a feeling.

  But then everything felt finite now we were in senior year. My time with the team, deciding what the hell to do about college, the impending fight with my father when I didn’t choose his dream. The walls were closing in around me, and soon I’d have to make a decision. One that could shake my entire future.

  Yet all I could see was Sofia.

  All I could think about was her.

  My voice faded as I held the final note, the crowd breaking into a raucous applause. The noise vibrated inside of me, giving me a short burst of endorphins.

  I’d planned to do a five-song set. But I was already itching to get back to Sofia. She’d been about to kiss me back, and I wanted to pick up right where we’d left off.

  Two more songs and I was calling it a night.

  I had a girl waiting on me.

  The girl.

  At least, I hoped she would be soon enough.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Sofia

  Cole was good.

  Really good.

  I didn’t know what I’d expected, but it wasn’t those deep, gravelly lyrics about first love and heartbreak. His voice was hypnotic; smooth and rich it fisted my heart, holding me captive as he sang to the crowd.

  Part of me had been so relieved when the emcee called Cole up onto the stage.

  He’d kissed me.

  I’d almost kissed him back.

  Almost.

  I was walking a dangerous path, letting myself fall deeper. But he made it so damn easy. And part of me wanted all those firsts.

  God, everything was so confusing.

  Suddenly overwhelmed, I slipped out of the booth and made a beeline for the restrooms at the back of the bar. I needed a second to catch my breath and figure out how I was going to let Cole down gently.

  He’d done such a nice thing bringing me here and sharing this part of himself with me. But I had suspicions as to why.

  “Blowing me off already?” His voice made me pause and I turned slowly, guilt flooding me.

  “Sorry, I just needed—”

  “Hey, relax.” He closed the distance between us, gently gripping my chin and tilting my face up to his. “What do you need?”

  “A girl’s minute.”

  “I have a better idea.” He grabbed my hand and said, “Come on.”

  Cole led me down the hall and to a door marked ‘private.’

  “Are we supposed to be back here?”

  “Tony won’t mind. I used to come up here all the time.”

  We climbed the metal stairs leading to the roof. Cole gave the door a firm shove and motioned for me to follow. The cool fall air whipped around my face as I took in our surroundings.

  “Pretty neat, huh?” Cole smiled.

  “This is… did you plan this?”

  “I’d like to take the credit, but no. Tony let his girlfriend Gianna decorate up here, and well, this was the result.”

  We sat on the pallet sectional underneath the wooden pergola. Fairy lights were strung up above us, creating a soft amber glow. But the real focal point was the view.

  “That’s Halston over there.” Cole said. “And over there, in the distance, is Rixon.”

  “It’s beautiful.”

  But Cole wasn’t looking at the view, his eyes were fixed firmly on me.

  “What?” I blushed.

  “I was just thinking about where we left things earlier.”

  “Look, Cole, I like you. It’s just—”

  He let out a low whistle. “What every guy dreads hearing when he’s sitting there, thinking about kissing the girl.”

  “There’s just too much going on. I don’t think it would be wise to complicate things.”

  “If this is about Aaron, I’ll talk to him and—”

  “No, no. Don’t do that. Why would you even suggest that?”

  “Why?” He frowned, sounding a little incredulous. “Because I like you, Sofia. And I want us to try and—”

  I pressed my finger to his lips. “Please, don’t.”

  “What are you so scared of? You like me. I know you do.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Stop saying that.” He reached for my hand, threading our fingers together. “It matters to me.”

  God, this boy. He was going to be my undoing. I’d always managed to keep him at arm’s length, separating him as the boy I had a crush on and my brother’s best friend. I could look and lust but never touch.

  Everything was different now.

  “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

  “Nope. There’s something here, Sofe. And I’m tired of fighting it.”

  “I have leukemia,” I blurted out.

  I hadn’t planned to tell him. Not here, not now. But there was no taking them back now they hung in the space between us.

  Cole stared at me, his expression one of utter confusion. “W-what?”

  “The doctor thinks it’s leukemia. I’m waiting for my biopsy results to confirm it, but he seemed pretty certain.”

  “Leukemia… you have… fuck.” The blood drained from his face as he snatched his hand away.

  Ouch.

  That hurt.

  As if he thought it was catching or something.

  Cole stared out at nothing, rubbing a hand down his face.

  It was silly. I’d told him my awful news, and yet, I was the one with the urge to comfort him.

  “Maybe we should go,” I said after another minute passed.

  It was getting awkward.

  “Do you feel okay? Do I need to call someone? I can—”

  “Relax, I’m fine. Better than fine actually. Today has been a good day.” I gave him a small, playful smile, hoping to lighten the mood again.

  But Cole didn’t smile back.

  In fact, he barely looked at me.

  Tears pricked the corners of my eyes.

  This… this was what I’d feared. Telling people and them totally freezing up on me. But it was different with Cole. Before the words had spilled out, he’d seen me as a desirable, beautiful girl he wanted to be with.

  Now, all he saw was hair loss, nausea, and endless hospital visits.

  I couldn’t blame him for wanting to run far, far away.

  It didn’t stop it from hurting though.

  “Look, you don’t owe me anything, so quit looking at me like I’m damaged goods and take me home. We can pretend tonight never happened.”

  “Does… does Aaron know?”

  Bitter laughter caught in my throat.

  Of course it came back to Aaron. Because he was the real hurdle between us. Always would be.

  “No, and I’d appreciate it if you could keep it that way. He doesn’t need to know yet.”

  “Sofia, come on, this is—”

  “My business,” I snapped. “My parents have agreed to honor my wishes, so I hope you can too. If you can’t, well I guess I made an error in judgment trusti
ng you with this.” My chest squeezed.

  “Sofe, that’s not fair—”

  “Nothing in life is, Cole.” I got up and headed for the door. “I’ll meet you by the car.”

  The sooner I got out of here, the better.

  The ride back to my house was suffocating. Cole barely said two words to me, and I didn’t have the energy to reassure him.

  I’d given him my truth, and he’d crumpled under the weight of it.

  But strangely, I didn’t regret it. Because at least now, we were both clear about where we stood. I couldn’t get into a relationship with someone right now, and he clearly didn’t want to be involved with someone who was sick.

  The second my house came into view, relief slammed into me. Cole pulled up outside and I grabbed the door handle. “I guess I’ll see you at school.” I forced myself to look at him. But he was still staring straight ahead. As if he couldn’t even look at me.

  Damn you, Cole.

  “And please, don’t say anything to Aaron. I will tell him, of course I will. But I need more time.”

  He nodded.

  An imperceptible, barely there nod.

  Well, then.

  I guess there wasn’t much more to say, so I ducked out of his car and headed up to the house.

  In a cheesy rom-com movie, Cole might have burst out of the car, swept me up in his arms, and kissed me under the stars while the music rose to an emotional crescendo and fireworks went off around us.

  But my life wasn’t a movie.

  If it was, it definitely wasn’t a rom-com; it was a tragedy with no surprise happy ending.

  And as if I didn’t need any more reminder of that fact, the rumble of Cole’s car pulling off and disappearing down the street really hammered it home.

  He left.

  Just like that.

  What had started out as a non-date with so many possibilities had quickly become the worst non-date in the history of non-dates ever.

  I never should have gone with him.

  But deep down, I’d wanted it.

  I’d wanted one night of normalcy. I’d wanted to experience the teenage girl dream.

  And for as much as I tried to fight it, I wanted it with Cole.

  A tear slipped free, but I wiped it away as I entered the house and went straight up to my room.

  “Sweetheart, is that you?” Mom called.

  “Yeah, Mom.” I paused, waiting for the third degree she was no doubt about to unleash on me.

  “Did you guys have fun?”

  “Yeah, but I’m tired, Mom. So I’m going to head up and get some rest.”

  “Okay, sweetheart. I’m down here if you need anything.”

  I traipsed up to my room, trying my hardest to stuff down the ball of emotion lodged in my throat.

  I still couldn’t believe things had gone so badly. Well, I could. I wasn’t a naïve foolish girl with dreams of a white knight swooping in to save me. Life didn’t work like that.

  But it was Cole. I’d thought—

  Ugh.

  Get a grip, Sofia.

  Stripping out of my clothes, I pulled on some clean pajamas and went into my bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. But I couldn’t get the stupid kiss out of my head. How confident he’d been, taking the decision out of my hands as if he knew I wouldn’t take that step.

  Then everything had gone to shit.

  I guess that was my life now.

  One shit day after another.

  I didn’t want to be the girl who let her illness get the better of her. I didn’t. But the truth was, I was scared.

  And I had never felt more alone than I did now.

  “Good morn— what’s wrong?” Aaron frowned.

  “Nothing. Just tired,” I said, helping myself to a mug of coffee. I was surprised Mom hadn’t insisted I switch to green tea or something yet. But I needed caffeine or there was no way I would make it through the day without it.

  I’d barely slept. Tossing and turning all night, replaying things over in my head, wondering if I should have done anything differently.

  But every time, I came to the same conclusion. Cole deserved to know the truth. What he did with it was on him.

  At least, no one could say I trapped him into a relationship knowing I was sick. Knowing that I might not…

  Don’t go there. Don’t even think it.

  I inhaled a deep breath and pasted on the best smile I could muster.

  “What did you get up to yesterday? Mom said you went out?”

  “Nothing exciting. How was West Chester?” He and Poppy had driven down there to check out the campus together.

  “Amazing. I can’t wait until next summer.”

  “That’s great. I’m excited for you both.”

  “Don’t sound so glum. You have college to look forward to, brainbox.”

  “We’ll see.” I murmured, not realizing I’d said the words aloud until Aaron balked, “We’ll see? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? The plan was always to study psychology at Columbia. It’s all you’ve ever wanted.”

  “It was. I mean, it is.”

  “You’re acting weird.”

  “No, I’m not.”

  “Yes, you are.” His cell phone vibrated, and he checked it, smiling at whatever was on the screen.

  “Poppy?” I asked.

  “Actually, it’s Kacie.”

  “What does she want?”

  “Kandon, apparently. She’s been hounding me to get her an introduction.”

  “Kacie Goodman likes Cole?” My stomach dipped. Kacie was exactly the kind of girl I could see him with. Popular but not mean, she was a cheerleader with an exemplary academic record. Beautiful, smart, and athletic.

  It was the perfect trifecta.

  “I’m going to set them up.”

  “Y-you are?” My fingers tightened around the mug.

  “Yeah. She seems cool and Poppy knows her. I figured we could double date. It would be nice to have another couple to hang out with. E and Leigh are too all up in each other’s business.”

  “Like you and Poppy don’t subject everyone to endless streams of PDA,” I said, trying to ignore the fact that my brother, the clueless idiot, was going to set Cole up on a date.

  “Do you think he’ll say yes?”

  I regretted the words the second they left my lips.

  Aaron smirked. “Knowing Kandon, probably not, but I’ll talk him around. It’s time my boy got some. And Kacie is exactly his type.”

  Cole had a type now.

  And if my brother was right, then it obviously wasn’t me.

  Kacie was tall and slim with a typical cheerleader’s body. Pale skin and blonde hair. We couldn’t have been more different.

  “Sofe, are you sure everything is okay? You look a little green.”

  “Me? I’m fine.” Another forced smile. “I think I’m going to walk today, get some fresh air.”

  “Walk? You don’t have to do that. Me and Poppy aren’t that bad.” Aaron smiled up at me with that puppy dog grin of his, but it barely touched the ice around my heart.

  His life was just beginning. He had this exciting future to look forward to. I’d had it all too. But now I didn’t know what the next few months would bring me, let alone the next four years.

  “You should let me set you up with someone too, then we can all go out.”

  “No! Absolutely not.”

  Oh God, I couldn’t think of anything worse.

  “Come on, Sis, it’ll be fun. And I know Leigh and Poppy would love it if we all hung out together more.”

  Because obviously I needed a guy for that.

  “What about—”

  My cell pinged and I dug it out of my pocket, tensing at the sight of Cole’s name.

  “Who is it?” Aaron asked.

  “My lab partner. No big deal.” I shoved it back, praying to God that my expression didn’t betray me.

  I’d thought Cole might text last night, but he hadn’t.

  I should have known he would eventually, once he figured out a way to let me down gently.

  He could save his breath. I didn’t want to hear his excuses, and I sure as hell didn’t want to look him in the eye when he gave them to me.

  “So what do you think?” Aaron said, and I blinked at him.

  “Sorry, what?”

  “About Simon? He’s a good guy. I think you two would get on—”

  “No.”

  “No? But you didn’t even let me get to the good bit.”