These Darks Hearts Page 5
Me.
Little Harleigh Maguire.
I rolled my hips, desperate for more friction, overwhelmed at the new sensations rushing through me.
I’d touched myself before. Explored my body under the cover of darkness, alone in my bed. But it had never once felt like this. Like I might die at any second if Nix didn’t touch me.
“Keep doing that, B, and this is going to end with me buried deep inside you.” He gave me a wicked look, one that said behave.
But instead of heeding his warning, I whispered. “Is that a promise?”
“Fuck,” he breathed. “You can’t say stuff like that to me.”
I could, and I would. Especially if it meant more kissing and touching and just more.
I leaned back in, scraping my nails along his jaw, tracing the seam of his lips with my tongue. Nix bared his teeth, nipping the end of my tongue and then sucking it into his mouth, sending another wave of lust rolling through me. His hands slid down to my ass and he started gently rocking me over him, back and forth, up and down.
“Does that feel good?”
I nodded, trying to trap the whimper building in the back of my throat. It felt too good.
He felt too good.
But it wasn’t enough. I wanted more. I wanted him to cure the deep endless ache inside me.
Dipping my head to his neck, I tasted his skin, breathing in his cologne. Clean and male and one hundred percent Nix.
“Touch me,” I whispered. “I want you to touch me.”
Maybe when the sun came up and the harsh light of day shone down on me, I would regret this moment. But that will be then. This was now.
And right now, I had never wanted anything more than I wanted Nix’s hands on my body.
“One night,” he said, dousing some of the flames building inside of me. “That’s all this can be. Then things go back to how they’ve always been, Wren.”
I nodded, my eyes fluttering as he thrust up against me, our bodies moving in perfect synchrony, as if they knew exactly what to do.
“I’m serious, B.” He gripped my chin again, pulling us eye-to-eye. “You’re my best friend. My fucking ride-or-die. I can’t lose you.”
“Stop,” I said, attempting to nuzzle his neck again. “Stop making everything so difficult. I want this, I want you.”
Even if it’s only for tonight.
It would change me, I didn’t doubt that. But I had to know—I had to know what it felt like to be with Nix.
He kissed me again, harder, his tongue tangling with mine in deep, demanding strokes. One of his hands slipped around the front of my body and found the slither of skin where my cropped tee ended. My body quivered as he walked his fingers down my stomach, teasing me right below my navel.
“Nix.” It came out a breathy plea.
He watched me, his dark-gray eyes pinning me to the spot as he dipped his fingers underneath my skirt and found my panties.
“Fuck,” he hissed. “You’re soaked.”
“For you. Only ever for you.” I was mumbling incoherent words, too overwhelmed at the way his fingers stroked me back and forth over my damp panties. It felt divine and he wasn’t even really touching me yet.
“More.” I lifted my hips, arching into his hand.
“Greedy little thing.” He smirked, eyes dark as the night. My heart almost burst when he hooked two fingers inside my underwear and slowly sank them into me.
“Oh God,” I cried, anchoring my arms over his shoulders.
“Okay?” he asked, and I nodded. “You’re so fucking tight, B.” His thumb circled my clit, slow torturous circles that made my eyes roll in the back of my head.
“Never gonna forget this,” he rasped, his voice broken with raw lust.
But I didn’t want to hear anything that yanked my heart back to earth. Because I was soaring.
In that moment, I wasn’t a caged bird, shackled to a dead-end life in Darling Row. I was Phoenix Wilder’s Birdie…
And I was free.
Nix was quiet on the ride back to Darling Row. At first, the out of this world feelings had lingered, trickling through my bloodstream like a synthetic high. The way he’d touched me, pushed my body over the edge and made me come undone, it was everything.
But it quickly died when he went back to his closed-off self.
“Nix…”
“Don’t, B. Okay.” He inhaled a ragged breath. “Just… don’t.”
“You’re making a bigger deal out of this than it is.” I clipped out, annoyed that he was ruining everything again.
I didn’t regret what had happened. Even if he never touched me again and broke my heart into jagged little pieces, I wouldn’t regret it.
“I just finger fucked you in my car.” His crass words made me wince. “You’re not some whore, B.” He threw me a sideways glance, his jaw clenched tight.
“I didn’t realize choosing who I let touch me and where, made me a whore.”
“That’s not what I—” He sighed, scrubbing his jaw. “Forget it. It’s late. We can talk about this tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow.” I snorted. “You mean, when you go back to pretending you don’t want me and let girls like Cherri drape themselves over you? Girls who don’t care about you. Not the way I do.”
“Harleigh—”
“Unbelievable,” I shrieked. “Un-fucking-believable. I wanted it, Nix. I wanted to feel your lips on mine, your hands on my body. Because… I. Can’t. Stop. Thinking. About. You. I watch you with them and I want it to be me. It should be me.” My chest heaved with the weight of the words.
“You’re worth so much more—”
“Don’t you dare tell me what I’m worth,” I yelled. “Do you know what I think? I think you’re scared. Because love is messy and hard and it hurts.” God, it hurt so much.
“You love me, Birdie?”
“You know I do, asshole.”
His lips twisted into a regretful smile. “I wish things were different.”
He wasn’t going to budge. And I was too emotionally exhausted to try to fight for us tonight. So I pressed my head against the cool glass and watched the familiar rows of trailers roll by.
Darling Row was home. But it had never felt like it.
When we pulled up outside my trailer, the air had turned so thick, I wanted to throw the door open and inhale a lungful of fresh air.
Instead, I turned to Nix and said, “Tomorrow. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”
When I wasn’t dressed as a second-rate version of Harley Quinn and Nix wasn’t shackled by guilt.
He nodded, barely able to look at me.
“Goodnight,” I murmured, hesitating. “Whatever you think I deserve, you’re wrong. I know my heart, Nix, and it wants you.”
With that, I climbed out and didn’t look back as I walked up to my trailer. I felt his eyes follow me though, felt his guilt and regret. Convincing Nix to take a chance on us was going to be more difficult than I thought…
But I wasn’t going to give up without a fight.
I woke up with a start. A sliver of moonlight poured in through the gap in my curtain casting a silvery glow around my small bedroom.
Glancing at the clock, it read three-thirty. I was surprised I’d fallen asleep. When I’d stripped out of my costume and cleaned the makeup off my face, I’d laid on my bed clutching my cell phone waiting for Nix to text me.
But it never came.
The tears did though. Big, fat, ugly sobs that made my soul weary and my heart ache.
Mom had been passed out when I’d checked in on her. Nothing new there. But something had woken me.
Maybe it’s him.
I listened, my heart racing in my chest. Did Nix have second thoughts? Did he want to fix things between us?
Throwing back the covers, I tiptoed over to the window and pulled back the curtain slightly. But nobody was out there.
My stomach sank.
Who was I kidding, it wasn’t Nix.
Wide awake, I decided to get a glass of water. Creeping through the trailer, I helped myself to a drink when a strange sensation went through me.
I glanced around, trying to place the unwelcome feeling. “Mom?” I called out, my palms growing clammy.
Padding down the hall toward her room, blood roared between my ears. Something was wrong. I could feel it in the air, dark and foreboding.
“Mom?” I pushed open her door and peeked inside. Relieved to find the outline of her body on the bed.
I went to double back when something stopped me, and I glanced back. “What is—” I slipped inside, hurrying over to her. “Mom?” Reaching out, I touched her cheek, her skin icy cold beneath my fingers. “Mommy?”
Silent tears rolled down my cheeks as realization slammed into me.
My mom was dead.
I clutched my cell phone like a life raft as I sat in Darling Hill’s police department. When I’d called 911, they had sent the EMTs along with a police cruiser. I’d been too incoherent to articulate what had happened. Now I was numb.
She was gone.
My mom. The woman who had given up her life of privilege and wealth to have me.
Gone.
Just like that.
Nothing made sense, but part of me hoped she’d found peace.
“Miss Maguire?” The officer with kind eyes approached me. “Your father is here to take you home.”
“You must be mistaken,” I said flatly. “I don’t have a father.”
“Harleigh?” The strong, commanding voice washed over me, and I lifted my face to look at its owner. “I’m sorry for your loss,” the man said.
“I’m sorry, who are you?” I hugged myself tighter, wanting to be anywhere but here.
What I really wanted was to be with Nix. He would hold me and make everything better. But he hadn’t responded to my endless stream of messages. Neither had Kye or Zane when I’d finally caved and texted them too.
Even when I’d left Nix a desperate voice message explaining what had happened, he still hadn’t replied.
That had broken something inside me. Something irreparable. Things were strange between us, I knew that. But I needed him, and he wasn’t here.
You’re all alone now.
“I’m Michael Rowe. Your father.”
Bitter laughter spilled out of me as I stared up at the man that was nothing but a stranger. “Like I told the officer, I don’t have a father.”
“Miss Maguire, your file—”
“My file?” I whipped my head around to the officer in question and frowned. “You have a file on me?”
“Not now,” the man claiming to be my father said. “Please, give us some privacy.”
“Actually, don’t. I have nothing to say to you.”
“I came to take you home, Harleigh.” He sat down beside me. I hadn’t noticed before, but now I could see how immaculately he was dressed.
“I have wanted to meet you for a very long time.”
“Don’t…” my voice shook. “Don’t sweep in here and pretend to care. It’s your fault she left Old Darling Hill. Your fault we lived in that shitty trailer. Your fault she couldn’t escape her demons.”
“I have made mistakes, yes. But I’m hoping to fix—”
“She’s dead,” I seethed, narrowing my eyes at him. “She’s dead and you’re sitting here hoping for a do-over.”
I saw it then. The resemblance between us. Same jade green eyes and midnight black hair. The slight cleft in our chins.
Michael Rowe was my father.
And he was here to take me away.
“I won’t go with you,” I said defiantly.
“You’re barely seventeen, Harleigh. A minor. If you don’t come with me, where will you stay? How will you afford to live?”
“I-I have… friends. They’ll help me.” I’d been about to say I had Nix, but it had been almost three hours since I’d discovered my mom dead, and he still hadn’t replied.
I glanced down at my cell phone again.
Where are you?
“Come home with me and we’ll talk about things. I just want to help. You shouldn’t be alone right now.”
“Mr. Rowe, Miss Maguire, we’ve processed all the paperwork.” A different officer appeared. “You’re free to leave.”
“Thank you.” Michael rose and shook the man’s hand. They both stared at me expectantly.
“Do I have to go with him?” I asked.
“You’re a minor, Miss Maguire. Do you have another adult you can stay with?”
“I… No.” Defeat slammed into me.
“I understand things are confusing and scary right now,” he said. “But you’re lucky you have family you can stay with.”
Lucky.
Nothing about the situation felt lucky.
“Come now, my driver is waiting.” Michael motioned for me to follow him. But I was too stuck on the part where he said his driver was waiting.
Who the hell was this guy?
I quickly pulled up a new chat on my cell phone and texted Nix.
* * *
Nix, where are you? I need you. A man came to get me. He claims he’s my father. He wants to take me home with him. He wants to take me away. Nix… I know things are weird between us, but I need you… please.
* * *
But he didn’t reply.
Not on the journey back to Michael’s house or later that day as I sat in silence at their dinner table pushing food around my plate. He didn’t reply that night, when I was alone in my room in a strange new place.
Nix didn’t text me.
And just like that, the boy I’d loved my whole life, the boy I thought I could always depend on, became the boy who destroyed me.
* * *
I hope you enjoyed These Dark Hearts.
Harleigh and Nix’s full story is coming early 2022… Book one, These Dirty Lies, is available for pre-order now
About the Author
ANGSTY. EDGY. ADDICTIVE ROMANCE
* * *
USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestselling author of over forty mature young adult and new adult novels, L A is happiest writing the kind of books she loves to read: addictive stories full of teenage angst, tension, twists and turns.
* * *
Home is a small town in the middle of England where she currently juggles being a full-time writer with being a mother/referee to two little people. In her spare time (and when she’s not camped out in front of the laptop) you’ll most likely find L A immersed in a book, escaping the chaos that is life.
* * *
L A loves connecting with readers.
The best places to find her are:
www.lacotton.com
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Did you love These Darks Hearts? Then you should read These Dirty Lies by L. A. Cotton!
A brand new angsty college romance duet from USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestselling author L A Cotton
Read more at L. A. Cotton’s site.
Also by L. A. Cotton
Black Hearts Still Beat
Rush: The Beginning
Rise: The Interlude
Rule: The Finale
Ruin: Levi Hunter's Story
Riot: Hudson Ryker's Story (Coming Soon)
Chastity Falls
Loyalty and Lies
Salvation and Secrets
Tribulation and Truths
Affliction
Redemption and Regrets
Penance and Promises
Absolution
Darling Hill
These Darks Hearts
These Dirty Lies (Coming Soon)
Liar Liar
Liar Liar
Truth or Dare
Rixon High
Blurred Lines
Off-Limits
Tragic Lies
Reckless Games
Ruined Hopes
Broken Ties (Coming Soon)
Rixon Raiders
The Trouble With You
The Game You Play
The Harder You Fall
The Endgame Is You
The Cabin
Steinbeck U
Des Bonbons ou un Sort
Steinbeck University
Trick or Treat
The Wicked Bay Series
Wicked Bay: Part 1
Wicked Bay: Part 2
Verona Legacy
Angel of Tears
Prince of Hearts: Nicco & Ari Duet #1
King of Souls: Nicco & Ari Duet #2
Villain of Secrets
Savior of Regrets
Wicked Bay
Wicked Beginnings
Wicked Rules
Wicked Lies
Wicked Games
Wicked Needs
Wicked Surprise
Wicked Hearts
Wicked Promises
Wicked Truths
Wicked Forever
Standalone
Lucky Penny
Chastity Falls: Box Set
Rixon Raiders (The Collection)
Black Hearts Still Beat: Eva and Rafe's Trilogy
On The Rebound
Rock
Rixon Raiders: Special Edition Collection
Watch for more at L. A. Cotton’s site.