These Darks Hearts Page 4

  “Nix, w-what are you—”

  “Sssh, B. I’m trying really fucking hard not to lose control right now.”

  It was then I noticed he was trembling. His whole body, shaking as he touched me. It was more than I could ever have hoped for and yet not nearly enough.

  “Why,” I coaxed. “What would happen if you lost control?”

  “This.”

  Nix’s mouth crashed down on mine, hard and demanding. I gasped at the sudden contact as his tongue snaked out, licking my lips.

  Oh my God.

  Nix was kissing me.

  He was kissing me, and it was everything.

  Each press of his lips, every stroke of his tongue, took me higher and higher until I was lightheaded, my heart beating so hard I thought I might pass out.

  “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve imagined doing this?” Nix cupped my face, staring down at me, his eyes blown with lust.

  “You did?”

  A smirk tipped his lips, swollen from kissing me.

  “I-I don’t understand. Tonight you acted like you were pissed at me.”

  “I was, Birdie.” He nuzzled my neck, sending little shocks through me. “You came out in this ridiculous outfit, looking like sex and sin, and all I could think about was throwing you down and…” He stopped himself, drawing in a ragged breath. “We should go, the others are waiting.”

  “Go?” I pouted, feeling giddy. “But you were just getting to the good part.”

  Nix smiled and with that single look, all the tension wrapped around my heart like a fist melted away.

  “Come on, little Birdie.” He slung his arm around my neck and guided me deeper into the woods, toward where he’d parked his car.

  Spotting us, Kye jumped down off Nix’s hood. “You two sorted out your differences?” His brow lifted, a knowing smile tugging at his mouth.

  “Shut it, asshole.” Nix released me and yanked open the passenger door. “B rides shotgun.”

  “When doesn’t she?” Zane grumbled, sliding into the back seat.

  “Told you everything was gonna be okay, B.” Kye winked before throwing himself inside.

  My mouth hung open, confusion swirling in my stomach. They knew… all night they knew what was wrong with Nix. That’s why Kye had been making those cryptic statements.

  But I still couldn’t believe it.

  Nix… felt the same.

  All this time, and he felt the same about me.

  Butterflies soared in my stomach, making me tingle.

  Nix backed out of the dirt parking lot with one hand on the wheel and took my hand with his other, flashing me a wolfish grin that did sinful things to my insides. “Ready to cause some mayhem?”

  “You’re not taking me home?”

  “Do you want to go home?” His dark brow lifted, his gray eyes glittering with a challenge we both knew I wouldn’t be able to resist.

  Pressing my lips together, I shook my head. I didn’t want to go home. I wanted to be here with him.

  “Good girl.” He winked, his eyes darting to my mouth.

  Exhaling a long breath, Nix smirked before pulling a U-turn and gunning the engine.

  Leaving the party and all my doubts behind us in the dust.

  I didn’t come to Old Darling Hill a lot, but I knew the second we crossed the boundary. The houses became bigger, nicer, with neatly mowed lawns and huge sweeping driveways. Flashy cars sat in front of double garages and the streets were adorned with planters and quaint trees.

  Old Darling was a quintessential Hudson Valley town, with its idyllic scenery and artisan charm. It was everything Darling Row wasn’t. Pretty. Well-loved. Thriving.

  “Where are we going?” I asked, brushing my thumb over the back of Nix’s hand.

  I liked touching him, feeling his fingers twined with mine. It felt intimate. Possessive. And it made the dark parts of my heart sing.

  “You didn’t really think we’d let Denby walk away without teaching him a lesson, did you?”

  “Nix,” I whispered. “You can’t get into trouble. If Coach Farringdon finds out, he’ll—”

  “Relax, B,” Kye said, leaning forward and draping his arm around the shoulder of my seat. “Coach Farringdon knows he needs us if the Hawks have any shot at making the playoffs.”

  “Damn straight.” Nix grinned at Kye through the rearview mirror. “Besides, we’ll be in and out before they ever know we were here.”

  Nix navigated the streets of Old Darling Hill with ease as I stared out at the houses. Next to the trailers we all called home, they looked palatial. A stark reminder of everything Mom gave up to have me.

  How was any of that fair? She’d been cast out of her home, her family, for falling in love with the wrong guy. I’d never really given it much thought before tonight. But it wasn’t any wonder that she was lost, drifting through life with nothing but missed chances and bitter regrets plaguing her thoughts.

  My sperm donor lived in this neighborhood. At least, I assumed he still did. I wondered if he was home now, with his family—the one he wasn’t ashamed to claim as his own.

  My chest tightened, but it wasn’t hurt, not anymore. I’d long gotten over the idea of having a happy family.

  “That’s the one,” Kye said, pointing to the last house on the row. Set back off the street, it was a beautiful Victorian style house.

  “He’s back, that’s his car.”

  “Good.” Nix held out his hand and Kye dropped his mask into it. “Masks stay on, keep the LEDs off. This place is crawling with security cameras.”

  He drove past Marc’s and followed the street around a slight bend, pulling over. The shadows of the trees lining the sidewalk enveloped the car, secreting it away.

  “Stay here, okay,” Nix ordered, pulling his hand away.

  “No, I’m coming.”

  “Birdie…”

  “Phoenix.” I narrowed my eyes, refusing to budge.

  “Fine.” The corner of his mouth tipped. “You can be our getaway driver. Slide into my seat when we’re gone and keep the engine running.”

  “But—”

  “Take it or leave it, but you’re fucking crazy if you think I’m going to let you come with us and risk you getting noticed.”

  “He’s right, B. Your costume isn’t exactly discreet.” Kye smirked and Nix glared at him. If looks could kill, Kye would have been six feet under.

  “Fine,” I snapped, not liking the tension radiating between the two of them. “I’ll be your getaway driver.”

  Nix’s eyes slid to mine, burning with hunger. “That’s my girl.”

  His girl.

  He’d called me that so many times before, but it felt different tonight.

  “Get the fuck out and wait for me over by the trees,” he ordered Kye and Zane.

  Kye chuckled darkly, and said, “Watch out, B. He bites when he’s hungry.”

  “Asshole,” Zane grunted, shoving Kye toward the door. They slid on their masks and climbed out, melting into the shadows.

  The second the door closed, Nix reached out for me, curving his hand around my neck. He drew me close, his gray eyes pinning me in place. “You good?”

  I nodded. “What are you going to do?”

  A slow smile tugged at his mouth. “Nothing he doesn’t deserve.” Nix ran his nose along my jaw, breathing me in. My heart crashed against my rib cage, overwhelmed at his intensity. The air was charged, electrified with the heat simmering between us.

  “Be careful,” I whispered, knowing there was no point in trying to talk him out of it.

  When Nix had his eye set on something, nothing stopped him.

  His tongue darted out, running along the seam of my lips, tasting me. A needy whimper spilled out of me as I fisted his hoodie. “Do you have to go?” I smiled. “Zane and Kye could take off and we could…” I trailed off, my cheeks burning with my unspoken words.

  Nix drew back, searching my eyes, a pained expression on his face.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Nothing.” He shook his head, the expression gone so quickly I thought I’d imagined it. “We won’t be long. Slide into my seat and wait, okay?”

  He hesitated but then murmured something under his breath and climbed out of the car. I crawled over the center console and slid into his seat, running my hands around the steering wheel. I’d passed driver’s ed last year, but I couldn’t afford a car, so sometimes Nix let me drive his.

  I watched them in the rearview as they grabbed something out of the trunk and disappeared down the sidewalk. I’d watched them do a lot of crazy shit over the years, but I’d never been an accomplice before. Nix wouldn’t ever allow it. He said my heart was too pure to be tarnished with his degenerate ways. But he was wrong.

  Because sitting there in the cover of darkness, waiting for him and the guys to get back at Marc Denby for gate-crashing the party—for putting me in harm’s way—my heart didn’t race with fear or trepidation.

  It beat steady with excitement.

  Raw, powerful adrenaline coursing through my veins.

  Maybe my mom was right. Maybe Nix had already tarnished me.

  Or maybe I really did prefer to live in the darkness, and I just hadn’t embraced all that it meant yet.

  Nix opened the driver’s door and peered inside. “Hi,” he said, breathless.

  The back doors opened and Zane and Kye dove in the back seat, Kye’s laughter filling the car. “Holy shit, what a rush,” he said, grinning.

  “What did you do?” I arched a brow.

  “That’s for us to know and you to never find out.” He winked, and Nix snorted.

  My head whipped back to face Nix, but he only smirked. “Better move over, Birdie, or step on it, before the cops show.”

  My mouth
hung open. He wasn’t serious, was he?

  “Shit, bro, that’s cold.” Kye leaned over and yanked one of my Harley Quinn pigtails. “Relax, B, no one saw us. But everyone will see Denby tomorrow.”

  Their laughter washed over me again, making my skin tingle. I’d gone from feeling like the outcast all night to being one of the guys.

  And I liked it.

  “Seriously though, B, we need to go now. So unless you really want to drive…”

  Zane grabbed Kye and yanked him back into the seat as I crawled back over to the passenger seat. “I need to eat.”

  “Burgers at Pat’s?”

  “We’ll drop you off,” Nix said, slamming his door. “Then I’ll take Birdie home.”

  “Oh, I could eat.”

  I didn’t want the night to be over yet.

  “It’s late. I should get you home,” he clipped out and I frowned, my stomach dipping. What the hell was his problem?

  We sped off down the street, the wheels screeching as he took the corner.

  “Way to be stealthy, asshole,” Zane grumbled.

  “Blue balls will do that to a guy.” Kye snickered and Nix flashed him another dirty look in the rearview mirror.

  Surely, he didn’t mean…

  “Ignore him,” Nix murmured as he white-knuckled the steering wheel.

  I sank back into the seat, watching the quaint scenery morph back into the familiar streets. Graffitied street corners and run-down stores. Old, rusted cars discarded outside old houses with chipped paintwork and overgrown lawns.

  Sometimes, it was hard to believe our side of town shared a zip code with Old Darling Hill.

  By the time we pulled up outside Pat’s, the strange uneasiness I’d felt all night had returned, making my stomach churn.

  “Fuck yes, I love this place,” Kye said. “You sure B can’t join—”

  “Out,” Nix growled.

  “Night, B. Hope he goes easy on you.”

  They slipped into the dark and headed for the diner.

  “You’re angry again,” I said, glancing at Nix.

  “I’m not.”

  “Doesn’t seem like it.” Sarcasm dripped from my words as I rolled my eyes and folded my arms over my chest. “Fine, just take me home.”

  His hot and cold act was giving me whiplash.

  But Nix didn’t take me home.

  Instead, he took the road leading away from Darling Row.

  “You do know this is the wrong way.”

  “Harleigh…” He let out a strained sigh.

  “I see.” I clipped out.

  We were back to Harleigh.

  My lips pursed as indignation burned through me.

  But when he pulled off the main road, down a dirt road, I couldn’t deny my curiosity got the better of me.

  “What is this place?”

  “It’s the old grain mill.”

  “I’ve never been out here before.”

  “I come here sometimes. To get away from it all.” The car rolled to a stop and Nix cut the engine.

  “You know, life won’t be like this forever,” I said. All my anger toward him dissipating. Because this was my Nix. The boy he didn’t let many people see.

  “Yeah?” He glanced over at me, a fragile smile playing on his lips. “You think we’ll get out of The Row?”

  “You don’t?”

  He shrugged. “Kids like me… they don’t get many opportunities, Wren.”

  “You have football. Coach Farringdon believes you could get a scholarship one day, and so do I. You just have to try to stay out of trouble.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Don’t give me that look.”

  “What look?”

  “You know who I am, B. What runs through my blood. I’m not sure I’m cut out for college.”

  “His actions don’t define you, Nix.”

  Nix’s dad was a mean sonofabitch with a wicked right hook and a penchant for making a quick buck or two no matter how illegal the activity. But he didn’t just knock Nix around, he usually took things out on Jessa, Nix’s stepmom too.

  “You’re more than just Joe Wilder’s son.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not.” His voice was barely a whisper and there was something so vulnerable about those three little words that my heart cracked.

  “Nix, I—”

  He snatched my hand up in his and looked me dead in the eye. “I need you to know that it’s you, Birdie. It’s always been you. But I—”

  “No. Don’t do this.”

  Don’t end us before we ever got started.

  When Nix had kissed me earlier, I’d felt his delirious need for me. The urgency and sheer desperation as his mouth moved against mine. But something had changed in the car. A new fissure in the chasm he’d forced between us.

  “Don’t you see, Wren. You deserve more than… than what I can give you. So fucking much more.”

  Strangled laughter crawled up my throat as I tore my hand from his. “I have spent years watching you with girls. Girls like Cherri. Girls who are everything I’m not. Yet, I still want you. I still want you to look at me the way you look at them. I wore this for you, you know?” The words poured out like hot lava. “I wore this so for once, for one night, you’d look at me and see past the image you’ve formed of me.

  “See me, Nix. Please just see me.” Tears pricked the corners of my eyes, my heart pounding in my chest.

  “I see you, B. I’ve always fucking seen you, but it doesn’t change anything. I’m messed up, baby. Broken and scarred. Those girls are just a means to an end. But you, you’d be my ruin.”

  A tear broke free. And another. Until a river of tears streamed down my cheeks. He wanted me but he wouldn’t let himself have me.

  That kiss—my first ever kiss—wasn’t the start of something, it was Nix allowing himself one moment. One taste.

  “I think you should take me home,” I said, unable to look at him.

  “Wren, please—”

  “No, I can’t do this. I need some time.”

  Because time and distance would help me gain perspective. They would help me see that I deserved more. I deserved someone to meet me halfway.

  God, I’d wanted it to be him. But I wouldn’t beg.

  I was done begging.

  “Nix, take me—”

  “Stop. Fuck. Just give me a minute okay?”

  But I couldn’t stop crying. I should have known that one day, Phoenix Wilder would break my heart, but I loved him anyway.

  I couldn’t not love him.

  He was my constant. My North Star in dark skies.

  But he wasn’t mine.

  No matter how much I wanted him to be.

  “Shit, B, don’t cry. Please don’t fucking cry.”

  But the agony in his voice only made me cry harder.

  Before I could stop him, he pulled me onto his lap, forcing me to straddle his legs.

  “Let me go,” I cried, aware of what a mess I was making. Thick mascara streaked down my face, the deluge of tears smudging my Harley Quinn makeup.” Just let me—”

  “Stubborn girl.” He gripped my chin, forcing me to look at him. “You shouldn’t give me your tears, Birdie, I don’t deserve them.”

  “You’re right, you don’t.”

  “Tell me you’ll always be mine. That I’ll always own part of this.” His hand dropped to my chest, right over my heart.

  “No.”

  “Say it.”

  I pressed my lips together, shaking my head.

  Anger flashed in his eyes, but he managed to calmly say, “Yeah, guess I deserve that. Just promise me, whoever you give it up to will deserve you. Promise me, B.”

  “Fuck you,” I sneered.

  He’d ruined everything.

  Every-fucking-thing.

  And in that moment, I hated him.

  His eyes dropped to my mouth and a low groan rumbled in his chest.

  “Don’t you dare—”

  His hand wrapped around my throat as he crashed his mouth down on mine, devouring me. “Need to touch you,” he murmured between kisses. “Need to feel you, just once.”

  Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, a little voice was yelling at me to stop, to not give him anymore of myself. But I couldn’t do it.

  I couldn’t stop him, even if I wanted to… and I didn’t.

  Because I’d dreamed of this—I’d dreamed for so long of having Nix touch me and kiss me and give me this part of him.

  “You taste so fucking good, why do you taste so fucking good?” He trailed hot open-mouthed kisses along my jaw, sucking the skin there, nipping and licking. I shifted closer, feeling him rock hard beneath me. It was so unfamiliar, and yet, so thrilling to know I affected him like this.