These Dead Promises Page 3

  “Hey,” he whispered when I stood there, rooted to the spot, my body quivering. “What is it? What’s wrong?” His eyes searched mine, shining with nothing but unconditional love.

  I’m broken, I swallowed the words. Fractured and lost.

  I loved him, I knew that. Loved him with every fiber of my being. But sometimes love wasn’t enough.

  It hadn’t been enough for my father. And it hadn’t been enough for my mom. Just like it hadn’t been enough for Nix’s mom either.

  We were surrounded by people who had proved that love didn’t fix anything. So could we really believe love could fix this?

  “B, talk to me,” he pleaded.

  “I’m okay.” I lied, kissing him back. Letting the taste of him, the glide of his tongue against mine distract me from the dark thoughts pushing to the surface of my mind.

  He tried to pull away, no doubt to finish the conversation. To push me for answers. But I laced my arms around his neck, anchoring us together.

  “If I didn’t know better,” he rasped onto my lips. “I’d say you were trying to distract me.”

  “Is it working?” Soft laughter chased my words, so soft it was almost believable.

  “The things I want to do to you, B.” His hands skated down my waist, slipping around my hips and yanking me closer. Erasing every inch of space between our bodies as he pressed me against the wall, grinding into me.

  “Nix.” His name was a choked sigh.

  “Tell me what you want, B. Anything, I’ll give you anything.”

  “I-I…” Nothing came out, a heavy weight settling on my chest. I wanted him. I wanted his hands on my body and his mouth on my skin. But suddenly, I felt out of my league.

  Nix was experienced. He knew what he liked, he knew how to make a girl feel good.

  I didn’t know any of those things.

  “B?” His brows drew together.

  “I’ve never…” My gaze darted away from his face. “I don’t…”

  “Hey, look at me.” A playful smile traced his mouth, but he wasn’t teasing me. He would never do that. “Do you have any idea how fucking good it makes me feel knowing I’m the only guy who’s ever touched you here.” One of his hands snaked around my thigh and cupped me there. My breath caught in my throat as he rubbed gently, applying the right amount of pressure to make me squirm.

  “Are you wet for me, B?”

  I pressed my lips together, nodding.

  “Do you want me to make you feel good?”

  Another nod as my head dropped back against the cool wall. It felt good, too good.

  The self-doubt, the crippling anxiety I felt every time my thoughts flickered to dark, dark places edged away, replaced with something needier. Something hot and fiery.

  Nix dipped his head, dragging his tongue up my throat and kissing my jaw, sucking and nibbling the skin there as his fingers moved in circles. It was too much… and not nearly enough.

  “More,” I breathed, falling into him. Into the sensations tumbling through me. “More…”

  “Shit, yeah.” His hand moved up, finding the waistband of my shorts. The elastic stretched with ease as he slipped inside. But he didn’t stop there, sliding his fingers into my underwear.

  “Fuck,” he hissed, his eyes almost black as he watched me. Watched my reaction as he pressed two fingers inside me, curling them deep.

  “Nix,” I whispered, wriggling against him.

  “You want me to stop?”

  “No, no…” God no. I wanted more. I wanted to drown in him. In this.

  I wanted to drown and never ever come up for air.

  Nix

  Harleigh’s little sighs and moans of pleasure were going to be my fucking undoing. She looked beautiful, head dropped back against the wall, eyes heavy-lidded, and cheeks flushed as I worked her with my fingers.

  Clutching my arm, she moaned. Panted my name over and over as she rode my hand, chasing the inevitable fall. “Nix, Nix… Phoenix.”

  I wanted more.

  I wanted to lift her up the wall and impale myself inside her, but this wasn’t about me.

  I’d seen how tense she’d gone when I’d asked her what she wanted. Before last night, Harleigh had been a virgin. She wasn’t experienced, and from her response just now, I assumed she didn’t know what she liked or how she wanted it.

  But I was more than okay with that because we could learn together. She could use me however she wanted to explore her body, all the ways she liked to get off.

  “God, Nix… it’s…” Harleigh’s breath caught as I circled my thumb over her clit in small, precise circles. Her body was tense as she fought her oncoming release.

  Touching my head to hers, I forced her to look at me, to see me. “Let go, B,” I said. “Fly.”

  She clenched, panting my name.

  “That’s it, Birdie… give it to me.” I kissed her, swallowing her little cries of pleasure. She tried to bury her face in my shoulder, to escape the intensity of the moment. But I didn’t give her the chance, cupping her cheek and holding her there. “So fucking beautiful.” I grinned.

  “I… that was…” She flushed crimson. “Unexpected.”

  “Really?” My brow arched. “Because I’ve thought of nothing else since we got here.”

  “Nix…”

  “Yeah, B?”

  “Stop looking at me like that.” She frowned, but I didn’t miss the faint smile tracing her mouth.

  I leaned in, brushing my lips over hers. Once. Twice. “Why?”

  “Because it makes me feel… nervous.”

  “It should.” Tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, I chuckled. “I want to fucking devour you.”

  “You’re so confident,” she said quietly, a hint of sadness there.

  “Because I know what I want, B and I’m not afraid to take it. You shouldn’t be either.”

  A soft sigh left her. “You make it sound so easy. You know what you like, how you like it… I don’t know—”

  “I’m gonna stop you right there,” I said, smoothing my thumb over her cheek. “You think I don’t get nervous every time I touch you? I do. This, us, the way I feel about you…it’s new for me too.”

  New and scary and intense.

  But it was B.

  Harleigh.

  My Wren.

  “If you need to go slow, we’ll go slow.” It would fucking kill me now that I knew how she felt, how perfectly our bodies fit together. But I could rein it in. I could go at her pace.

  Anything for her.

  “That’s not—”

  “Shh.” I kissed her again, letting my hand glide along the side of her neck until I felt her pulse flutter beneath the tips of my fingers. Harleigh kissed me back, boldly plunging her tongue into my mouth and taking control.

  Heat licked down my spine, stoking the flames inside me higher and higher until I thought I might explode.

  “Stop,” I breathed, hardly able to believe I’d said it. “We should stop.”

  “But I thought—”

  “I want you, B. More than you’ll ever understand. But not here, not like this.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  “You deserve more, Birdie.” So much fucking more.

  “I only want you,” she said, peeking up at me through those thick, dark lashes.

  Jesus, looking at her hurt sometimes. The vulnerability and honesty in her bewitching green eyes.

  Harleigh had always had an expressive gaze. Everything she thought, everything she was feeling was usually right there, simmering in her eyes. You just had to look closely enough to see it.

  “We have time.” I put some space between us, trying to think of anything but my raging hard on.

  Mrs. Feeley’s ice cream.

  Jessa’s cookies.

  My old man’s dirty stained wifebeaters.

  Yeah, that did the trick, the tension melting out of my body.

  “Do you think Zane and Celeste have hurt each other yet?” Harleigh asked, and I was grateful for the change of subject.

  “You noticed that, huh?”

  “She’s not exactly discreet.”

  “But she’s with Mulligan.”

  “I guess.” She shrugged. “It could get messy.”

  “Not likely. Z is… well, you know how Z is.”

  “Yeah. Would it bother you though if they did hook up?”

  “They won’t,” I said, not entirely sure I believed my own words. Celeste got under Zane’s skin. I’d seen it with my own eyes.

  “But if they did…”

  “That’s their business.” It was my turn to shrug. “Why?”

  “Celeste isn’t like us… I mean, you. The guys. She doesn’t—”

  “Know what it’s like to grow up in The Row.” I stiffened and Harleigh nodded.

  “Michael would never approve of her being with someone like Zane.”

  Someone like me, the words flashed in my mind.

  “What is it you’re trying to say, Harleigh?” I snapped, feeling coils of shame snake through me.

  “N-nothing, I didn’t mean… I shouldn’t have said that.” Her expression fell. “I don’t care what he thinks. But he could make things difficult for her. For them.”

  She wasn’t talking about Celeste and Zane. She was talking about us.

  Saying everything she couldn’t, using words she could.

  “Come on, let’s go back to the others.” She didn’t look at me as she grabbed my hand and moved past me.

  And I let her.

  Because there were some things I still wasn’t ready to hear.

  “So where are you playing next weekend?” Celeste asked innocently enough.

  It was getting late, the sun already sinking behind the tree line. But none of us were in any rush to leave.

  Kye had used his Boy Scout skills to start a fire, the flames licking the dusky sky while he and Zane drank their beers.

  They each looked to me and I let out a small sigh. “DA.”

  Harleigh went rigid beside me. “Your first game is at DA?” she said. “But that’s—”

  “Some real bad luck?” Zane quipped.

  “Can’t Coach Farringdon get it changed? Can’t he—”

  “The schedule was already changed. Our first game was supposed to be Dartford, but it got moved to DA.”

  “At our stadium?” Celeste asked, and I nodded, a ripple of frustration going through me.

  Playing Denby at his place would have been irritating enough but playing him at his place now that Harleigh was back in my life… it made me want to punch something.

  Preferably that smug fucker’s face.

  “Well, we can’t exactly sit in the visiting fans section, but we’ll be there.”

  “We will?” B blinked at her half-sister.

  “Yeah, well. You want to support the guys, right?”

  “I…”

  “Come to the game, B.” I nuzzled her neck. “I want you there.”

  She twisted around to look at me. “You know it’s not that simple. If anyone—”

  “We’ll figure it out.” Because I wouldn’t be able to focus without her there, in the bleachers watching.

  It was a little unnerving how possessive I felt toward her. But I’d lost her once. I had no fucking intention of it ever happening again.

  “Nix, I’m not sure—”

  “You should come, B,” Z said, surprising me. “He’ll be useless if you’re not there, and we’ve got a lot riding on the game.”

  I pinned my best friend with a hard look, and he quirked a brow. “What? It’s true. We all want to kick DA’s ass, but it’s more than that. Every game is one step closer to—”

  “Z,” I hissed.

  “What?” Harleigh glanced up at me. “What’s going on?”

  “Albany U is interested,” Kye said. “Coach thinks Nix has a real shot at getting a full ride but he’s being… difficult about it.”

  “Is that true?” She sat up and turned fully around to me. “They want you?”

  “Maybe,” I said, barely meeting her eyes. “It’s not a big deal.”

  “Nix,” she breathed. “It’s a huge deal. This is a good thing. A great thing.” Her voice dropped to a whisper.

  “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

  Confusion flickered in her eyes. “But—”

  “Leave it, yeah?”

  Harleigh turned back to the fire and guilt rolled through me. I was being a dick. But the truth was, I couldn’t talk about it. Not here. Not surrounded by our friends.

  I’d gotten her back. Harleigh was here. She was mine. And there was a ton of shit just waiting to try and separate us again. I didn’t want to add a scholarship that may or may not happen to that list.

  I didn’t want to think beyond the here and now. Because this—her—it was all I needed.

  For now, it was enough.

  I slipped my arm around her waist and pulled her back against my chest. “I’m sorry,” I said quietly, breathing her in. “I didn’t mean to snap.”

  Harleigh slid her hand over mine. “It’s okay.”

  It wasn’t, but I’d take it.

  Zane caught my eye, silently asking me if I was okay. Lips pressed together in a thin line, I nodded.

  Harleigh was here. She was here and she was okay. Everything else would figure itself out. Because no matter what happened, I would never leave her side again.

  “You know, she’s kind of cool.” Kye flicked his head over to where Celeste, Chloe, and Harleigh were talking.

  It was time to go, and I could already feel anger bubbling inside my veins. I didn’t want to leave her, not again. And I sure as fuck didn’t want her going back to his house. But this was our reality for now, and I had to find a way to live with that.

  “Celeste is cool,” I said, knowing that I owed her for bringing Harleigh here today.

  “She’s annoying,” Zane grunted.

  Kye chuckled. “You would say that.”

  “Fuck off.”

  Zane uncapped a bottle of water and doused the fire until it was nothing more than a pile of ash and embers. “Do we have a plan for the game?”

  “A plan?” Kye’s ears perked up.

  “Harleigh’s gonna be there, right? No way Denby won’t try to use that to his advantage.”

  “Yeah.” My eyes slid over to where she was standing, smiling at her sister and Chloe. Fuck, that smile. I wanted more of that. More of her smiles and laughter and her happiness. But I knew better. Because life was hard. It was messy and fucked up. And few kids from The Row ever made it out.

  “Come on,” I said, taking off toward the girls.

  My girl.

  My chest swelled. But an icy sensation washed over me as I heard Chloe say, “Oh shit, have you told Nix?”

  They hadn’t noticed me yet. But their heads soon whipped around when I said, “Told me what?”

  “I…” Guilt flooded Harleigh’s expression. “It’s nothing.”

  “Just tell him, Harleigh. He’d want to know,” Celeste said.

  I was beginning to like her more and more.

  “What’s going on?” I asked coolly.

  “Max knows.”

  “Your brother?” She nodded, and I asked, “What exactly does he know?”

  “I’m not sure. But when I got back this morning, he said some things.”

  “What things?” My jaw clenched as Harleigh began to shut down. To shut me out.

  “It doesn’t matter. I can handle Max.”

  Grabbing her hand, I pulled her away from everyone else, not stopping until we were out of earshot. “When were you going to tell me?”

  “Nix… it’s not a big deal.”

  “Fuck that. He knows. He could tell your dad. I don’t want him to cause trouble for you.”

  “But that’s just it,” she said, sadness bleeding into her words. “This, us… it is going to cause trouble and there’s nothing we can do about it.”

  “What are you saying?” I gritted out.

  “Nothing. I’m not saying anything.” She let out a resigned sigh. “But we can’t pretend that things aren’t complicated.”

  Backing her up, I crowded her against a huge tree. “Nothing, nothing will come between us again, B. I won’t let it. I promise.”

  “Nix… you can’t—”

  “I believe it.” I had to believe it. “This, us, it’s real. It’s permanent. It’s not something I’m prepared to walk away from again. But I need you to talk to me. I need you to be honest with me, okay? I can’t do this without you, B.”

  I can’t be the only one who fights for us.

  Harleigh

  Guilt was a thick, sticky thing inside me, making it a little hard to breathe as Nix stared at me. Begging me to meet him halfway. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. I did.

  Of course I did.

  But everything was happening so fast. It was already time to leave him again. To go back to that world—their world—and pretend that my heart didn’t belong to a boy who was born and raised in The Row.

  “Say it, B. I need to hear you say it.”

  “I’m with you.” My voice wavered. “I am. I just…”

  “I know, I fucking know, okay.” He pulled me into his arms and held me tight. “We’ll figure it out. But I need you to promise me that you won’t flake out on me.”

  Nix gazed down at me, the way I’d always dreamed of. Things had been simpler back then though, and I couldn’t help but wonder how different things might have been if he’d only realized how he truly felt about me then… instead of now.

  “Harleigh,” Celeste called. “We should go.” She was holding her cell phone, a frown etched into her face. “Dad texted.”

  “Did he—”

  “It’s okay. He just wants to know where we are and when we’re coming back.”

  The heat that existed between me and Nix guttered out, and I inhaled a thin breath.

  “I guess you need to go.”

  “Nix…”

  But his walls were already up, reinforced by everything that existed between us now.

  My father.

  Max.

  Where I lived.

  Where I went to school.

  I’d been plucked out of The Row and deposited in the one place he hated more than anything. How were we supposed to just forget that?