Ruined Hopes: An Enemies-to-Lovers Romance (Rixon High) Read online

  What else had I forgotten?

  Part of me was too scared to ask. And Mom and Dad’s attempts at filling in some of the blanks made it very clear I wasn’t ready to go there yet.

  My eyes shuttered as I inhaled a deep breath. Things were messed up. I was messed up. But it could have been worse.

  So much worse.

  I had to hang onto that.

  Because right now, it felt like all I had.

  Chapter Two

  Ashleigh

  The next couple of days were a never-ending cycle of trying, and failing, to remember the last ten months. My parents insisted on keeping me company, even when I didn’t want to talk, and my Aunt Felicity and Uncle Jason stopped by. But aside from Avery, none of my cousins or friends stopped by.

  I was starting to think they didn’t want to see me because of how awkward it would be…

  Until I heard my parents talking.

  “What if it’s too soon?” Mom said quietly as they stood over by the window.

  I was supposed to be asleep, but I’d woken up a few minutes ago to the sound of their voices.

  “She’ll get suspicious if we keep them away any longer.”

  “I just worry… you saw how she got when we tried to piece together the year for her.”

  “It’s early days, Hailee. The doctor said we can’t rush it. We have to go at her pace.”

  “Her whole senior year, Cam. Gone. How do we help her come to terms with that?”

  Emotion rose inside me as I swallowed back the tears threatening to fall. Of course, this wasn’t only hard on me.

  Fisting the sheets, I screwed my eyes shut tight and tried to will the memories back into existence. They were there somewhere, buried deep inside my psyche. But no matter how much I tried to find them, I couldn’t. As if the tether between me and them had just vanished.

  “Ashleigh?” Mom said and I cracked an eye open to find her looming over me.

  I hadn’t even realized they had moved closer, too focused on the impossible task of triggering a memory. Something to give me hope that it wasn’t all lost for good.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Are you okay, sweetheart?” The concern in her eyes almost gutted me.

  “I… yeah.”

  She took my hand and squeezed gently. “You were sleeping. We didn’t want to wake you.”

  “I heard you,” I said.

  “You did?” The worry on her face deepened.

  “It’s okay, Mom. I get it. You want to protect me. But this is my life now.”

  I couldn’t avoid people forever. And for as much as I didn’t know how to feel about seeing my best friends again, I also needed to see them.

  I needed to know that not everything had changed.

  “Lily is desperate to see you,” Dad said, dropping his arm over Mom’s shoulder. “She hasn’t stopped calling.”

  “Lily can come by.” Of course she could, she was my best friend. Family. And if anyone would understand, it would be her.

  “That’s great, sweetheart. I’ll tell her you’re ready for visitors.”

  “Jeez, Dad. Don’t make it sound so weird.”

  He smiled but it slipped. “You’ll get through this, Ashleigh. I know you will.”

  I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Because there was no guarantee. Even if my memory returned, the doctor said I might have permanent gaps.

  Parts of my life… vanished.

  Forever.

  It was a lot to wrap my head around.

  But what choice did I have?

  “Ashleigh?” My cousin peeked around the door, and I smiled.

  “You’re here.”

  “I am.” She came over, pulling a stuffed toy from behind her back. “For you.”

  “Thank you.” I took the bear from her, running my hands over its soft fur.

  “How are you feeling?” Lily sat down in one of the chairs beside my bed.

  “I feel okay. The whole memory loss thing is weird but I’m dealing.”

  “I’m so sorry.” Tears glittered in her eyes. “I can’t even imagine—”

  “Please, don’t. I just want to talk. Mom said you and Kaiden are getting ready to move to Penn State. I can’t believe you’re going to college… with a boy.”

  “If you’d have told me this time last year I’d be here, I wouldn’t have believed it either.”

  “I’m happy for you. Even if I want to tell you not to jump so quickly into anything with him.”

  I had memories of Lily and Kaiden’s early relationship, when everything was new and shiny, and they were both trying hard to fight the inevitable.

  Ten months had passed since then.

  God, I’d missed so much.

  “What’s wrong?” Lily asked.

  “Nothing.” My smile was strained. “Did I miss anything exciting at prom?”

  “Nothing worth mentioning. Although Bryan and Carrie-Anne finally got together.”

  “Bryan Hughes and Carrie-Anne. Wow, I did not see that coming. In my mind, he’s still hung up on Peyton.”

  This was so weird.

  “That ship has long sailed.” Lily shook her head. “You know Xander and Peyton are like a thing now, right?”

  “What?” My eyes almost bugged out of my head. “Peyton and… Uncle Xander?”

  “Crap, your parents didn’t tell you?” Guilt flashed in her eyes.

  “No. No they did not. When? How?”

  Holy crap. I had so many questions.

  “Last year over the holidays. It went sour for a while, but they figured it out.”

  “What did my dad say? And Uncle Jase?”

  She grimaced. “Things got bad for a while. Xander moved to Halston, and we didn’t see him for like two months. But everyone is cool about it now they’ve had time to adjust. Peyton lives with him. She graduated early and got a job.”

  “Wow… that’s just… wow.”

  Peyton was our age, and Uncle Xander was ten years our senior. Part of me was surprised he was still breathing knowing how protective my dad and Uncle Jason could be.

  “I feel like I’ve missed so much.”

  “You didn’t really.” Lily gave me a sad smile. “You were right there with us, Leigh. You just…”

  “Can’t remember, yeah.” A heavy sigh slipped from my lips. It didn’t feel like much of a consolation.

  In fact, it felt like a double blow.

  To know you experienced something and not be able to remember a single second of it.

  “Poppy and Sofia didn’t fall in love and run away with their boyfriends or anything, did they?” I asked, referring to Lily’s younger sister and her best friend.

  “No.” Lily chuckled. “Although Poppy is ready to take senior year by storm. She has big plans, apparently.”

  “The boys of Rixon High better watch out.”

  “Indeed. Dad is already dreading it.”

  “Poppy is definitely going to give him a run for his money.”

  “I’m almost upset I won’t be around to see it.” Lily grinned but it immediately dropped when the reality of her words hit.

  She wouldn’t be here because she would be off at college, living her life and chasing her dreams.

  And me… I’d be stuck here, trying to recover the last year of my life.

  “I’m sorry.” Guilt washed over her. “I didn’t think.”

  “It’s okay. I’ve got to get used to the fact that everyone’s lives are moving on.” Even if mine was stuck ten months in the past.

  Then a thought struck me.

  “Me and Ezra, did we…?”

  For the first time since waking up, I felt a seed of hope.

  I’d been focusing so much on what I couldn’t remember that I hadn’t stopped to think about all the good things that might have happened to me.

  Like say for example, the boy I’d wanted since eighth grade finally noticing me.

  Something flashed in Lily’s eyes that made my stomach drop. But it was gone so
quickly I wondered if I’d imagined it.

  Strangled laughter bubbled in my chest. “Of course we didn’t.”

  “Leigh, I’m sor—”

  “It’s okay, really.” I inhaled a deep breath and asked the question on the tip of my tongue. “Has he… asked about me?”

  Ezra Jackson wasn’t like his adopted siblings, Sofía and Aaron Bennet. He was a lone wolf, preferring to hang out in the shadows than do all the normal teenage stuff most kids did.

  I’d tried so hard to pull him into our group, but the more I’d pulled, the more he’d pushed back.

  “You know Ezra,” Lily said. “He doesn’t exactly talk to the rest of us.”

  I did. But it didn’t stop the slight sting when she didn’t give me the answer I hoped for.

  “He’s a Bennet now though.”

  “I know, my mom and dad told me.” I could barely contain my smile. We all knew Asher and Mya had wanted to adopt Ezra for some time.

  “Yeah, they were so happy about it.”

  This was hard. I wanted to see Ezra, to make him tell me everything. But he didn’t handle change well. And everything was different now.

  Not to mention the fact he’d walked away from the accident unscathed, and I hadn’t.

  “I’m so pleased for them all. Ezra needs family,” I said. “He needs to know he belongs.”

  But Lily wasn’t smiling. In fact, she looked downright miserable.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “There’s something else, something about Ezra…”

  Oh God.

  My heart ratcheted in my chest.

  Had he finally met someone? A girl he wanted to open his heart to?

  I’d always held out hope that one day I would burrow through his walls and find a way inside. But that dream would wither and die if he’d found someone else.

  “Did he… did he meet someone?” My stomach twisted, anticipating the pain that would follow if she confirmed my worst fear.

  “What? No. No, it’s nothing like that.”

  “It isn’t?” Sweet relief slammed into me.

  There wasn’t someone else.

  Which meant there was still hope.

  Until Lily said, “Ezra failed senior year, Leigh. He didn’t graduate.”

  “I want to see Ezra,” I said the next morning when Mom and Dad arrived. It seemed that they had cherry picked what information to tell me during our many chats.

  They shared an awkward look, and Dad cleared his throat. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea, sweetheart. Being around him… it might trigger you.”

  “Trigger me?” I gawked, disbelief coating my words. “You can’t be serious, Dad. If anything, it might help. Ezra was there, he knows what happened. Maybe if I talk to him, it will unlock something.”

  Really, I just wanted to talk to him about school—about the fact he flunked out.

  I could remember him being indifferent at the beginning of senior year. But everyone expected him to pull his head out of the sand and at least graduate.

  “You know how Ezra is, sweetheart.” Mom intervened. “And Asher is riding him hard about failing school. He’s not in a good place. I think it would be better to wait.”

  “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

  “What? No, no, baby. We just don’t want you to have any extra stress than you already have. The doctor said—”

  “Yeah, Mom.” I knew what the doctor said. I’d been right there when he’d tried to talk to me about how to avoid pushing myself too much too soon.

  But I needed to see Ezra. I needed to look him in the eye and know we were okay. That he was okay.

  “Did you guys pick me up a new cell phone yet?” I changed the subject.

  They shared a look of guilt and Dad said, “Once you’re home and settled, we’ll sort it out.”

  My old one had been a casualty of the accident.

  “Dad!”

  “No, Ashleigh. The doctor said you need to give yourself time. You’re still healing. Screen time isn’t—”

  “Screen time?” I scoffed. “It’s a cell phone and I’m sev—eighteen.” That would take some getting used to. “I think I can manage my screen time appropriately.”

  He leaned in and kissed my head. “A few more days won’t hurt.”

  “Fine.” An indignant huff left my lips. It wasn’t like I could go buy one from the hospital gift store.

  “There is something we need to talk about though.” They both sat down, and Mom took my hand in hers.

  Oh God, what now?

  Nervous energy vibrated through me, making me feel a little nauseous.

  “We spoke to Mya and Principal Kiln.” Mya was the guidance counsellor at Rixon High. “They’ve been talking to UPenn, and they all agree that given the circumstances you should defer.”

  “Defer.” The word echoed through me like a gunshot. Deep down, I knew college wouldn’t be an option this year, not with my entire senior year’s classes missing. But knowing it and hearing it were two very different things.

  I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. Breathless. Hollow and raw.

  “Mya thinks, and the doctor agreed, that it would be a good idea for you to repeat your senior year. Be in familiar surroundings with your friends.”

  Right. Because Poppy and Sofia would be seniors. Aaron too.

  And so would Ezra.

  Chapter Three

  Ezra

  “Whoa, hold up,” Asher said, looking up from his position at the breakfast counter. “You’re going out?” His brow rose.

  “Yeah, I mean… I am allowed to leave the house, right?”

  “E, come on, Son. You’re not a prisoner. But I am your father. I just want to know you’re okay.”

  Father.

  Fuck. That would take some getting used to.

  “I’m fine,” I muttered. “Can I go now?”

  I didn’t wait for his answer, slipping out of the kitchen.

  “You can’t shut me out forever, Ezra,” he called after me. “I’m a patient man. I’ll be here waiting when you’re ready.”

  A muted groan slipped from my lips as I yanked up my hood and left the house.

  It sucked that I didn’t have a car anymore, but it had been totaled in the accident, so my options were walking on foot or taking Aaron’s bicycle.

  The familiar rumble of his car stopped me in my tracks. Fuck. I was hoping to sneak away before he got home.

  Shoving my hands in my pockets, I kept my head down.

  “E, wait up.” His car door slammed, and Aaron jogged over to me. “You’re going out?”

  “Just going for a walk.”

  “A walk, right. Well, I’m free. So I’ll tag along.”

  “Did your dad put you up to this?” I narrowed my eyes.

  “E, he’s our dad.” Aaron gave me a pleading glance. I knew what he wanted—he wanted things to be okay between all of us. But it was easy for him. He was Asher and Mya’s biological son. He was a part of them.

  I was… different.

  I appreciated everything they’d done for me over the years, appreciated that they’d cared enough to want to keep me and make it official by adopting me.

  But I wasn’t like them.

  The Bennets were a close-knit family. Aaron, his twin sister Sofia, and their parents Asher and Mya. They had a tight group of friends and family. A whole network of people in Rixon who had their backs.

  I’d been a part of their lives for seven years, but the truth was, I’d always been on the outside looking in. The piece of the puzzle that didn’t quite fit.

  And now I was the bitter disappointment.

  But that was my M.O., and no matter how hard I tried to break the cycle, I ended up back at square one. Sabotaging everything good in my life.

  “I keep thinking about Leigh, about what it must be like, waking up with ten months of your life just gone. Some trip, huh?”

  “Yeah.” I grimaced, trying to school my expre
ssion. Even though my heart careened against my chest at the mention of her name.

  “Shit, sorry, man.” Aaron cast me a sympathetic glance. “I know it can’t be easy for you.”

  “I’m just glad she’s okay,” I said over the giant fucking lump in my throat.

  Waking up that day to discover she was in a coma, was one of the worst moments of my life. But realizing it was all my fault… that was something else.

  “Hey.” He clapped me on the back, and I winced. “It wasn’t your fault, E.”

  Had I said that out loud?

  “I was driving.” The words were like acid on my tongue. Because I’d been doing more than just driving that night.

  It should have been me lying in that hospital bed with no memories of senior year. Fuck only knew it would have been an improvement. Then I wouldn’t have to endure the constant stares of disappointment, and the cold shoulders from Ashleigh’s parents.

  Not that I blamed them.

  Their daughter had been in a coma… because of me.

  I’d done some shitty things in my life, but what happened that night… the truth behind the accident… I would never forgive myself.

  “Ezra, man. You gotta let that shit go. It was an accident.” Aaron gripped my shoulder. “I know it sucks that Ashleigh got hurt, but she’s okay. She’s going to be okay.”

  Such bullshit.

  But I didn’t argue. What was the point?

  “Yeah,” I murmured.

  “You should go see her,” he added. “You know she’d want you to.”

  And if that wasn’t the whole fucking problem.

  Aaron insisted on sticking with me as I headed for The Junction. It was a rundown diner on the edge of town, but I preferred it over the more popular places downtown. Maybe it was the fact kids from school didn’t hang out there. Or the fact that Manny, the owner, let me stick around for as long as I wanted without asking questions.

  The house special burger didn’t suck either.

  “What is this place?” he asked as I shouldered the door open.

  “The Junction.”

  “I can see that.” He flicked his eyes to the faded signage. “But why have I never been here before?”

  I shrugged, making a beeline for my regular booth.