Ruin Page 10

  But I didn’t.

  Like a child starved of attention, I latched onto her words and let them sink into me, filling up the emptiness I felt every day of my life.

  I would fuck up again. I knew it, and deep-down Phoebe knew it. But right there, in that moment, neither of us wanted to acknowledge it.

  “How’s our favorite patient?” Letty breezed into the room sometime later clutching a disposable coffee cup.

  “She feels like someone took a tire iron to her skull,” Phoebe groaned, and I leaped up.

  “Are you okay? Do I need to get the doctor?”

  “Levi, relax. I’m okay.” She smiled and fuck, if it wasn’t like sunshine on a rainy day. “I figure the pain meds are starting to wear off. What time is it?”

  “Late,” Letty said. “A little after two.”

  “And they allow visitors this late?” She cocked a brow.

  “Hmm, Levi—”

  “What?” I shrugged, not liking the way Letty was looking at me. “They said someone could stay with her.”

  “After you threatened to get the poor nurse fired.”

  “Levi!” Phoebe looked at me with a strange mix of surprise and horror. “You did that?”

  “They said I wasn’t family.” I shrugged.

  Something in her expression softened. “I can’t believe you did that.” She was smiling now. “Can I get out of here soon?”

  “I think we’re stuck here for the night, sorry. You have a pretty bad concussion, so they want to monitor you overnight.”

  “Ugh, great.”

  I squeezed her hand gently, and Letty raised a brow. “Something you two want to tell me?”

  “I... uh,” Phoebe flushed trying to pull her hand away, but I wouldn’t let her.

  “I’m staying,” I said.

  “Levi, no,” Phoebe blurted. “You should go and get some rest.”

  “You really think I’ll be able to sleep knowing you’re in here? Yeah, not happening.” I gave her a pointed look.

  “Johnson and Stalter are right outside. The place is fairly quiet now so you should get some peace. You need to rest.” Letty looked at Phoebe. “And you,” her eyes slid to mine, “try not to threaten anymore staff. They’re here to help, okay?”

  “Yes, Mom,” I grumbled.

  “If you two don’t need anything else, I’m going to call the guys and let them know you’re all right.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Yeah, thanks,” I said. “For everything.” Letty didn’t get enough credit for putting up with our brand of crazy.

  “I’ll see you both in the morning.” She gave us a small nod, her mouth tipped in a knowing smile.

  The second she was gone, Phoebe turned to me. “You need to get some rest too.”

  “No, I need to be here, with you.”

  “At least try to sleep. Maybe they can wheel in a cot for you—”

  “Ssh.” I pressed a finger to her lips. “I’ll be fine. In fact,” I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed her knuckles, “I’m going to sleep right here.”

  Laying my head on her arm, I closed my eyes. Phoebe’s soft laughter washed over me like a warm blanket.

  How did she do that?

  How did she make my heart squeeze until it felt like I couldn’t breathe?

  Phoebe Halstead might have been scared of me...

  But I was fucking terrified of her.

  Phoebe

  I woke disorientated. There was a dull ache in my skull, and when I opened my eyes, the stream of sunlight was too harsh. But it wasn’t my head that worried me. It was the fact I could barely feel my arm. I glanced down to find Levi curled around it, holding on like it was his life raft, while he slept peacefully.

  Memories of the night before slowly unfurled in my mind. The show, the meet and greet after. The out of control fangirls. The world tipping on its axis as I crashed into the table and fell.

  Oh God.

  How freaking embarrassing.

  I could imagine the headline now: Intern PA get gets trampled on by Die Hearts stampede.

  I let out a quiet groan. I’d known something felt different about the show in Phoenix. I just hadn’t expected I would end up in hospital with a concussion.

  Gingerly, I tried to retrieve my dead arm from Levi’s death grip. He made a small whimpering sound, and I froze. Was he dreaming? It didn’t sound like a dream, more like a nightmare.

  “Levi,” I whispered, stroking his hair with my other hand. “Levi, wake up.”

  “Huh?” He shot up, rubbing his bleary eyes. “Oh, hey.”

  “Hey.”

  Silence descended over us as we both took in the gravity of the situation. I was in the hospital and Levi was here. He’d been here all night, glued to my bedside, after threatening the staff who tried to make him wait outside.

  Jesus.

  I really hoped Letty and the security team had locked staff into airtight NDAs because the last thing the band needed was this getting out.

  “How are you feeling?” I asked him.

  “Shit, Bee, isn’t that supposed to be my line?”

  “I’m okay.”

  “None of this is fucking okay,” he ground out, his eyes glittering dangerously.

  “It was an accident, Levi. I’m fine, I promise.”

  He reached for my hand, tangling our fingers together. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared as I was watching you fall. It was like I just froze. The whole world slowed down around me.”

  The vulnerability in his voice gutted me. He didn’t look at me, but rather stared past me as if he was lost in his memories.

  “Levi,” I said softly. “Come back to me.”

  “Shit, sorry.” He dragged his other hand down his face.

  “Where’d you go just now?”

  “It doesn’t matter.” A faint smile traced his lips, but I saw the pain in his eyes. And I knew that whatever Levi had just been thinking about, wasn’t nothing.

  “Thank you,” I said, stuffing down the emotion clogging my throat, “for being here with me.”

  “Phoebe, I—”

  “Good morning.” Letty breezed into the room looking far too cheery for eight in the morning. “Good news. You’re free to leave once the doctor has done his final rounds.”

  “Thank God.” Relief settled into my bones. I didn’t want to be here any longer than necessary.

  “You’ve got to take it easy for the next couple of days. Which means you’re on vacation.”

  “She has to leave?”

  Letty and I both looked at Levi. “She doesn’t have to leave,” she reassured him. “But no more late nights or drinking games on the bus. At least not until your headache is gone.”

  “No fun.” I chuckled. “Got it.”

  “We’ve got the show in San Diego tonight, so Alistair has given the all-clear for us to check into a hotel tonight, so you’ll be a little more comfortable.”

  “Oh no, he doesn’t need to do that. I’ll be fine on the tour bus.”

  “It’s already taken care of. We roll out as soon as you’re free.”

  I relaxed back against the stiff pillow and let out an exasperated breath.

  “I could always see if they can keep you for another—”

  “No, no.” I shot Letty a desperate look. “I just don’t want to cause any fuss. I feel so silly.”

  “It wasn’t your fault. I should have known the second those Die Hearts turned up drunk that shit was about to get messy.”

  A low growl rumbled in Levi’s chest.

  “Down boy,” Letty said. “It’s our job to keep the fans happy, remember?”

  “It’s bullshit if you ask me. She was hurt, that isn’t—”

  “Levi, stop.” I squeezed his hand, aware that Letty could see us holding hands. But I didn’t pull away, I couldn’t. Levi’s touch was too calming, too nice.

  Dammit. I was so screwed.

  Part of me was hoping he would mess up again. It would have made it a whol
e easier to keep him at arm’s length. But he was here. Levi was right here beside me acting so territorial and possessive it melted the ice around my heart.

  “Okay, I’m going to try to get things moving with your discharge. Levi, you—”

  “Staying,” he said with complete conviction. “I’m staying.”

  “Fine. But we need to figure out how to get you out of here without causing a scene.”

  “Johnson will figure it out. That’s what we pay him for.” Levi closed his eyes, letting his head roll back.

  “Okay?” Letty mouthed, and I nodded.

  “Go, we’ll be fine.”

  She left, closing the door behind her.

  “Levi?” I whispered, gently squeezing his hand.

  “Yeah?” His eyes flickered open, settling on my face.

  “You don’t have to stay. You heard Letty, I’ll be out of here soon enough.”

  “Ssh, honeybee,” he leaned forward, resting his chin on my arm. He looked so adorable like this. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “No?” My brow lifted.

  “No, you’re stuck with me now, whether you like it or not.”

  It sounded like a promise.

  One I really wanted him to keep.

  Two hours later, I was free. Levi had insisted on wheeling me out of the medical center to the familiar black SUV. Johnson and Stalter had arranged with the staff to sneak us out of the back entrance reserved for emergencies only. Much to everyone’s relief, there wasn’t a fan or any paparazzi in sight.

  “I bet everyone’s fed up with waiting,” I said as we piled inside. My head still felt a little tender, but overall, I felt okay. I had strict orders to take it easy for the next couple of days.

  “Actually, they went ahead.” Letty checked her cell phone. “We’re going to meet them there. You should try to rest.” She gave me a knowing smirk, sliding her eyes to Levi who was beside me.

  “I’m okay,” I said as the air inside the SUV turned thick with tension.

  Levi’s mood had turned significantly darker since this morning. He was still careful with me, treating me like fragile glass. But he was closing down right in front of me, and I didn’t know how to reach him.

  In the hospital, inside the privacy of my room, it had been easy to let our guard down. But the second we stepped outside, his walls went up.

  “Hey.” I reached for his hand, aware that Letty was pretending not to watch. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, just tired.” He pulled his hand away, leaving me cold.

  A shudder rolled through me. Letty tried to catch my attention, but I rested my head against the tinted glass and closed my eyes.

  I couldn’t sleep, not with the whir of the engine beneath me, and Letty’s constant stream of calls. First, Alistair, and then someone at the label. It went on and on. Until her voice became muffled white noise in my head.

  Somewhere into the three-and-a-half-hour journey, my neck begin to ache, and the bass drum in my head began getting louder again.

  “Hey, are you okay?” Letty asked, concern etched into her expression as studied me.

  “I’m just tired and uncomfortable.”

  “Here. Try some water. It isn’t time for your pain meds yet.”

  “Letty,” I let out a strained chuckle. “I’m fine. I just need to lie down when we get there.”

  “Maybe we should make a pitstop—”

  Levi grumbled something under his breath. Unclipping his seatbelt he turned inward slightly, beckoning to me. I frowned and he rolled his eyes. “Come on, honeybee, I don’t bite.” He grabbed his jacket and rolled it into a cushion, placing it on his lap.

  “I’m not sure—”

  “It might help,” Letty said, a knowing smirk on her face.

  Another bolt of pain rippled through my skull and I smothered a whimper.

  “Get over here,” Levi barked.

  My eyes flickered to his and he gave me a weak smile. “Please,” he mouthed. It was then I noticed his clenched fists, the slight set to his jaw.

  “Okay.” I unclipped my belt and gently lowered my body down, resting my head on his lap. Levi slid his hand around the back of my neck, massaging the skin there. It was heaven, his warm fingers acting as a natural pain reliever. But there was also something possessive about the way he held me, as if he wanted to take my pain as his own.

  By the time Letty’s call ended, I was barely lucid.

  “You holding up okay, Hunter?” Her voice teetered on the edge of my consciousness.

  I wanted to know what he was thinking, what his reply would be. But the fingers of darkness were too hard to resist.

  “Phoebe, wake up. We’re here.”

  My eyes cracked open slowly as I tested their reaction. Letty’s face filled my line of sight. “Welcome back,” she said.

  I sat up, taming the flyaway hairs out of my face. “What time is it?”

  “A little after two. We stopped for gas, but you were out for the count.”

  “Where’s Levi?” I asked. He was gone, but his jacket was still rolled up beside me.

  “He went ahead to get some rest before soundcheck.”

  “Oh, okay.” I swallowed the dejection flooding me.

  She gave me a sympathetic glance but didn’t say anything more about it. “Come on, you must want to lie down on something a little more comfortable than Levi’s lap.” Her chuckle was lost on me as we climbed out of the car. We were in the basement parking lot of the hotel.

  One bodyguard flanked us as we rode the elevator to the top floor. Usually, the band had the penthouse and we stayed on the floor below.

  “The band have the suite,” Letty said as if she could hear my thoughts. “We have the adjoining annex.”

  The doors pinged open and she led me down the private hall. I could hear the guys on the other side of the door, mostly Hudson’s raucous laughter.

  “You want to go say hello?”

  “Actually, I think I just want to sleep.”

  “It’s probably for the best.” She stopped at the final door. “This is us. Take your pick of bedrooms.”

  “If I get some rest now, I’ll probably be okay for the show tonight.”

  “Nice try but you’re staying put. Doctor’s orders, remember? I need you healthy for the rest of the tour. Take some time to rest. We’ll manage for one night without you.”

  I didn’t want to stay here alone, knowing they were all at the Viejas Arena. But she was right. My skull felt like it had been through a meat grinder.

  “You’ll come say goodbye before you leave?” I said.

  “Of course. Now go get some rest. I’ll bring you some water and pain pills in a minute.”

  “Thank you.”

  I made my way to the back of the suite, taking the bedroom closest to the floor-to-ceiling windows. There was a big wraparound balcony that I was hoping ran the entire length of the suite.

  Sure enough, when I stepped inside, I was greeted with an amazing view of the city. But the constant thud in my head made it impossible to focus.

  In that moment, I wanted only two things: To sleep for a week.

  And a backstage pass to Levi Hunter’s thoughts.

  Levi

  “Hey, you okay?” Rafe approached me as I hovered in the wings watching Eva do her thing. The crowd was hanging onto her every word, the atmosphere a lot quieter than last night. Thank fuck. I didn’t want to relive that anytime soon. Every time I thought about Phoebe being thrown out of the way by those crazy fucking fangirls, my blood boiled.

  She was okay, but it could have ended a lot differently.

  “Yeah, I’m good,” I forced out the words.

  The truth was, I was losing the fight to stay calm. Ever since waking up, wrapped around Phoebe’s arm, I was waiting for things to go back to how they were before—with her ignoring me.

  She’d been different in the hospital. Receptive to my touch, relieved even. I’d been so fucking dumbstruck, I didn’t think to ask what it me
ant, and she’d given me no sign that it changed anything.

  We were stuck.

  At least, that’s how it felt.

  I just wanted a sign. A tiny sign that she wanted more...

  Instead, I’d held her the entire way from Phoenix to San Diego as she slept off her headache. Letty had watched me, a mix of understanding and trepidation on her face. She didn’t say anything, she didn’t have to.

  The second the car had pulled into the underground basement, I’d gotten the hell out of there. I didn’t want to listen to Phoebe wake up and tell me it was better for us to remain friends. As if we could ever be that. I’d been inside her for fuck’s sake. I knew the sounds she made when she came. I knew how sweet she tasted, how tight she was.

  Fuck.

  Fuck.

  Fuck!

  I tried to think about anything except Phoebe naked and ready underneath me.

  “She’s going to be okay, you know?” Rafe clapped me on the shoulder, making me startle. I slid my eyes to his and gave him a stiff nod.

  “It’s okay to care,” he added. “We were all worried about her. About you. But you held it together, man. You’re here and you’re okay.”

  Okay wasn’t a word I’d have chosen to describe myself. I was barely in control. If he looked closely enough he’d see the slight quiver to my hands, the struggle in my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to fuck off the show and go find a bar or back alley and score some blow. Usually I was desperate to feel something, chasing a high that would drench me in ecstasy. But Phoebe, she had the opposite effect. She made me feel too much. She made me want things I had no right wanting.

  “You can talk to me, Levi. I know things haven’t been right between us,” he said over the roar of the crowd as Eva finished up her set.

  “Things are fine,” I said flatly.

  “Levi, come on... I want us to—”

  “Hey.” Eva bounded over to us, her cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling with that post-show high.

  She threw her arm around Rafe’s neck and leaned up to kiss him. I looked away, something twisting deep inside me. I wanted that… fuck, I wanted it so much. But I knew if I had it, I wouldn’t be able to keep it. Everything I touched turned to ruin.